Posted by Greg A. on October 3, 2001, at 14:20:26
In reply to Cheeseburger in Paradise, posted by Greg A. on October 2, 2001, at 17:23:52
Thanks for the song lyrics . . . and the encouragement. Yes, I am a little proud of myself for not drinking for a month. I have done it before, but always with the intention of starting again once I had proven I was okay. I find this ‘quitting’ as opposed to ‘stopping’ tough at times. Years ago I quit smoking, also after stopping many times. It was also tough at first, but for me smoking had no redeeming properties at all. So once I stopped, I stayed stopped. Drinking, however, has provided me with good times as well as bad. I enjoy wine and beer for the taste as well as the effect. But dammit – I am not in control of it. I moderated my daily intake over the years, so I was always functional the next day for work or whatever, but I drank every day.
So how do I feel now, aside from the small measure of pride? Not so much different. Sharper in the a.m. at work; perhaps a bit more energetic and able to focus. But no big, big changes. What is my motivation? Well, like I said before when I described all my excuses for drinking and stjames said ‘that’s what all alcoholics say’ – this was the first time I had honestly admitted to myself that what I do is alcoholism. If you smoke, you are a smoker. If you drink, are you therefore an alcoholic? Of course not. There are degrees. But as I read my list of excuses which I really believed put me in another category than alcoholic, I realized my lack of control was the chief consideration. Alcohol controls me if I drink. My life begins to revolve around drinking to some extent. I am fairly athletic but even my bike rides would fit around drinking. I would put off any alcohol until after my rides. I would sometimes drink moderately the day before a long ride. But I always drank.
So, sar – what’s my motivation. I’m not really sure. I know I don’t want to be an alcoholic. Not so much for the abuse your body takes, because when depressed, I could care less about how long my body is around. I really do want to feel normal. And I am sure that alcohol while not the root cause of my depression, plays a part in feeling lousy.
So it’s day by day still – but it did surprise me how fast the month went by. And last night I realized that I have 2 beer in the fridge which I have not touched.Thanks All,
Greg
poster:Greg A.
thread:12015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010927/msgs/12061.html