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Re: Terror's emotional effects Wendy B.

Posted by sar on September 29, 2001, at 1:41:14

In reply to Re: Terror's emotional effects sar, posted by Wendy B. on September 26, 2001, at 22:06:59

> sar,
> sorry, your post has me feeling kind of rawly upset.


i'm sorry this happened, and i want to iron this out.

> i think what you say trivializes the incredible suffering and sorrow that millions of people are feeling right now about the WTC and pentagon horrors, whether they live in or near those places or not. you even have relatives who have been affected! it's hard to comprehend.

"it's hard to comprehend"--that's exactly right. it is difficult to comprehend because i'm not THERE. i posted that message rather offhandedly and somewhat obnoxiously, i agree, but i posted i on PSB. PSYCH-SOCIAL BABBLE. i am rather FUCT-UP emotionally, and i thought that this was an appropriate place to post how i truly feel, because do i feel threatened, scared, truly affected? no, not really. that's just the brutal truth. i'm not at all politically correct.

when i was in ninth grade, my dad read a newspaper story to me about a gruesome train wreck in which all or most of the passengers were killed. i cried intermittently all day. since that time, some crazy shit has happened to me, and my defenses have grown.

i spent half my work day crying in the bathroom, Receiving, and the lounge, but i had no idea why. the tears get all clogged up and burst out.

> would you extend your unconcern to jews in europe in the 1930s and 40s? what about black folks being lynched in mississippi and other places in the south, in the 40s 50s and 60s and beyond? what would give you the most bang for your buck in terms of the horror and death that's as close as your nearest television set? maybe nbc and cnn aren't doing good enough jobs representing to you the sorrow and the tears.

i cried when i read elie weisel's *Night.* i wrote a letter to Johanna Reiss in grade 6; she'd written a true-life account of being a hidden-away Jew during the holocaust and it touched me so much that i had to get in contact with her. she sent me a postcard in return, which i treasure to this day. i love the Free Mumia rallies. the racism i've seen in the southeast particularly has truly pissed me off. ever been to South Carolina? prepare to feel angry and helpless.

> how about a trip to downtown NYC, you could stand on top of the pile of rubble. "hey! i hear they're doing tours now! but it'll cost you a few bucks for the vicarious thrill..."

yes, that's what it would honestly take. i have to see it firsthand. i'm trashy, i need the vicarious thrill, maybe i'm emotionally retarded and can't obtain it from the media. the still pictire of dan rather crying on dave letterman went to my heart, but i sell copy after copy of newsweek at work, i lead people to the koran, the suicidal part of me shouts, "bomb here!" let the cool new yorkers live...

> i like shopping as much as the next person, but please. what you have written is 'rilly' disrespectful.

totally true! i am wrong, politically incorrect, disgusting, disresprectful. i'm not being snide or sarcastic, i'm being completely honest, my lack of feelings about these attacks and deaths BOTHERS me, which is precisely why i posted a semi-provocative but britally honest message on this board. this isn't a site about politics, manners, or patriotism--it's about psychological issues. my issue is that i don't feel much.

> i have shown a lot of concern and care toward you; i think i have tried to convey that many times in many postings to you. so now i must express my fear that you are so out of touch that you have lost your humanity. and you seem to be bragging about it. some things may be better left unsaid.

Wendy, i've so appreciated all of the support you've given me, i dig you so much, and this misunderstanding bothers me. i really may have lost my humanity, that's true. the other day a friend of mine and i moved a dead cat out of the street and into some soft grass and informed the owner's neighbors. i can still see this bloody post-rigor-mortis calico in my mind. maybe i'm stuck in that freudian stage or whatever in which if i can't see it immediately before my eyes, it doesn't exist.

> i can't help wondering: do you think you are immune to this type of thing happening to you? ww III could be starting right in your back yard, the fanatics are trying to poison your drinking water and mine, too. those among the living in metropolitan nyc are worried about nerve gas in the subways, and now live in fear every single day that they'll be targets once again. and you won't be worried until you can't buy a new trinket, because your lifestyle will have had to change. poor you.

yes, that's really true. i'm all-or-nothing. if i can't have banana republic i'd rather be a street urchin wearing a burlap sack. my perspective is all out of whack. i'm just being honest, i appreciate you helping to put things in perspective, but i don't think i should be flogged for my feelings, *particularly* because most of my hippie-type friends feel the same way. (i do have some military buds, and they are ready to be deployed. they've fire in their eyes.)

i respect both ways.

> have you seen the film 'Behind the Veil'? afghan women are being beaten, tortured, and executed by the taliban extremists, for failing to cover their bodies with enough clothes or veils. if anything shows through, they are subject to the most cruel human rights violations. shopping at the mall isn't on their agendas for today, or for any day, for that matter. they can't work, they can't have money... women who were teachers and professionals prior to the taliban forces taking over are now rendered helpless. they don't do anything unless a man says it's ok first. they can't get educations. you wouldn't endure 5 days of that, much less 5 or 10 years.

i haven't seen the film, but the oppression of women not only in the taliban but in africa really gets under my skin. the veils in the middle east, the clitoridectomies in africa--i am not unaware. i know of the mistreatment and am strongly afainst it; i haven't done anything proactively against it, but my opinion has been set since i started reading Jane Pratt's *Sassy* ten years ago: this worldwide mistreatment of the female gender is outrageous.

> bush and the flag-wavers are scrambling to try to figure out what to do, but we know it'll be foolish and careless. the lives of innocent civilians will be on the line, but who gives a shit about them, right? the terrorists will then hate us even more, and your future and mine will become even less stable.

a co-worker of mine in his forties wears a tee-shirt that says MY SON IS IN THE AIR FORCE. today his son got all of his official badges and uniform, their family had a celebratory dinner, and my co-worker brought the son to out workplace to show him off. it warms my heart that he's so proud of his son, so confident in him, but i've already got flashbulb shots of this kid in my head: he'll be dead within the year. and i will be crushed.

> death and destruction and evil are real.

i agree.

> taoist? it's all just a sham.

taoism? or my claim of believing in taoist theory?

> i know i'm gonna be blasted for my post, by you and many others, and will likely get banned. but i'd rather be banned for feeling too strongly, rather than not enough. or not at all.

wendy, your post is completely appropriate. i only wish i could feel as appropriately as you do. when i step on a roly-poly, i feel like cring. when i think of world war, i feel nothing.

in my defense, i think this was all appropriate to post on PSB. i apologize if anyone took disrespect to it.

my post is just this: it has not HIT ME YET. yes, i would need to see the body parts and smell the stench. i would need to be around the victims to feel this. i don't watch television much or even read the paper more than once or twice a week--i'm self-centered right now. it's really disgusting.

and it's honest.


> wendy
> > this is what i was trying to post on in an earlier thread, except i think it may have been misinterpreted by a few (i.e., i was discussing my emotional response rather than the crisis on a political, macro level). i feel really disconnected from all of it even though i've an uncle in NYC and another in Alexandria, VA. i just don't know what to think.
> >
> > i don't think anyone deserved to die, god no, but my own personal emotional take onit is that the U.S . is dominant, exploitative, and i can underatnd how other countries would resent that to a fatal degree.
> >
> > i don't support that fatal degree, it's just that i sit here well-fed and pampered enjou=ying varying degrees of liberty while other suffer harsh climates and edgy rocks, tough religion and fright.
> >
> > an emotional level? it has not hit me yet. really i don't think it will until i'm unable to afford shopping at the mall anymore.
> >
> > rilly.
> >
> > love,
> >
> > sarthesecretmallrat




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