Posted by Wendy B. on September 25, 2001, at 1:19:33
In reply to Re: Sorry, I'm peeking, too... » Wendy B., posted by Krazy Kat on September 23, 2001, at 12:18:47
dear miss K,
> > again, you've been so nice. how 'bout being my agent? my slave-driver? ("get busy writing!") my task-mistress?
>
>
> --- If you would be mine. :) I, too, have been determined to "be a writer" since, I don't know, 10?. By now, my friends are tired of hearing about it.
** yeah, it's a shame, isn't it? they'll just have to wait!i tell people i'm writing a long thing (novel? screenplay?) about ritualistic behavior in the 21st century. mad cow disease in england and the bonfires they make out of their 11 million head of cattle. it turns into a tribal type of thing. (meat is murder?) running through the middle of it all is the story of a girl: she's lazy, she's distractible, she's insomniac. she writes bad song lyrics. she participates in e-mail sex with her boyfriend and also with cyber-clients...
> why is it that i can only do things on deadline for others, but not when it has to do with something for my own personal growth??
>
> --- I'm not certain, but I have the same problem. Part of it for me is fear of failure. My father has written all his life, a couple of books as well as articles, but he is too afraid to get most of them published. Is any of it energy-related for you? You have to work and take care of your daughter and you're on medication. That can take a lot out of you.
** yes, that's true, i do get a bit overwhelmed. right now, it's stuff like staying up too late, and then trying to function well the next day. i fell asleep tonight in this narcotized way as i watched TV with my daughter, now i'm up and semi-awake. the writing thing: yes, i fear failure, and the longer i keep work from being read by anyone else, the longer i can live in this fantasy-land that i am writing a lot, and well. your father's writing maybe had a stifling effect on you? so many people have published things... i have published several academic-type articles, an essay in a book on freud. but that's not the kind of work i want to do ultimately...> I so do NOT want to go back to a Real Job. That seems to be a common theme here. I don't think we naturally fit into that schedule or lifestyle. I wonder what I mean by "we", though? I mean, of course, creative, intelligent, quirky, highly-useful, a little off our noggins WE. ;)
** yeah, i am worried that no one who runs a Real Job workplace will want me any more, after not being in circulation for a year. i'm not normal. i wish we could all start our workdays at 10:00.
> I only briefly worked in my field of journalism. Then moved into electronic publishing. Something about the 9-5 world is so trapping to me. I thought I might "outgrow" that - I have not. :)
** electronic publishing? sounds like journalism to me.
> Your vineyard job sounds wonderful. Why can't that be very high paying? ;) Also, book store jobs, and working with children and animals.** yeah, like i said, it's easy to romanticize the vineyard thing. i like it because it's physical, and i'm strong. and because there's so much to learn about the running of the business, and about wines themselves, that you could spend a lifetime on learning it all. i grew up on a farm, i find it fascinating.
don't get me going on how much people are paid to watch children! makes my blood boil...
> It's great that you're writing at all. Just write something everyday. Just sit down to write everyday. I haven't been doing that.
** it takes a lot just for me to carve out the time every day, so i don't always do it. i write here almost every day, though, and find that therapeutic. people like you make me feel that i'm connected and cared about... we have our own quirky little community going on here...>Even if you just sit there and hit your head the whole time. Then you'll have a headache. And you can say to your daughter, "I have a headache because I sat down, as I do Everyday, to write." And she'll understand the importance of that act. (That didn't come out right, but it's the general thought...)
** i know what you mean... if i make it clear to her that i am sitting down doing something i'm committed to, she'll grow up learning that it's important to stay fixed on that star.
> It's kind of to PUMP ME UP, too. Only I'll have to tell my dogs, and they won't understand.
** yes they will!!
> My sister sent me a book (we're all frustrated, depressed or bipolar writers) called "A Writer's Time" which looks fairly helpful. But of course, we can read too much about writing instead of just doing it, can't we?
** yeah, other books whether on writing or on some other topic, keep us from paying attention to our own work. i should look up 'a writer's time.' my current fave on creative living and working is: 'creating a life worth living.' do you know it? she says if you can't carve out 15 minutes every single day to do a focused, but non-work thing (walking the dog, drawing, meditating, etc), then you don't care enough about your own growth, etc. she thinks it's good to clear the mind with activities like this. and then there are a lot of other things she has you do to get your desire to be creative and productive to a place where you are living off the results of your creativity. this is a little simplified, but it's the jist...
> You offer so much encouragement here, I was surprised to read that you'd been feeling down. I hope you feel better soon.
** yeah, i don't like to talk much when i'm depressed, at least about my own problems. it's easier for me to be supportive at times like those. i've been a bit Black lately, for sure. just saw the therp tonight who said to up the neurontin. she started a women's group-therapy thing, and tonight was our first night. it was interesting. the other women were in their mid-to-late 20s, i'm 41, but it was ok, there are supposed to be some 'older' chicks like me joining us next week. and i like 20-yr olds, was one myself, one time long long ago... there were 4 self-injurers (cutters) out of 6 in the group, one with an eating disorder, 2 who were so introverted they hardly said anything at all. and then me, the bipolar crazy one who made everyone laugh a little, i have no fear of talking in groups. i will report back again after next week.
>
> - Kelly, Krazy Kingfish Kat
take care, K, i'm going to bed... thanks sar & others who have asked about me... money's still tight. tax-free donations can be sent to... [...]love,
W.
poster:Wendy B.
thread:11634
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11747.html