Posted by Marie1 on September 24, 2001, at 20:30:38
In reply to Marie, , posted by Greg A. on September 24, 2001, at 16:28:47
Greg,
I think you're right that quitting drinking is doing something positive for yourself. That in itself should help you feel better mentally. I am continuing to abstain, but probably not for long. We are closing on our house in about 3 weeks and, well, we have this sort of tradition involving champagne in the parking lot after such occasions, so I feel I *have to* participate, I mean it *is* a tradition...;-) Hopefully, I'll be able to keep it to several glasses, not bottles!
You know, you sound as though you actually have some insight into your marriage and patterns of behavior. You learned these things in therapy? And do you feel that knowing these things (if you put them into practice) can help re-build your marriage? Can it make feelings come back? I'm very reticent about trying therapy, afraid of finding out we can't make this work, afraid of the unknown, afraid of what will come out. I don't think my husband really knows how I feel. I've never told him because I don't want to hurt him. I think I'm also afraid he feels the same way, and if I knew that, I'd be devastated. All hope gone.
I just erased a whole paragraph relating to sex. Partly because I feel intrusive asking you personal questions, but also I realized I can't broadcast details of my sex life over the internet. Discretion is the better part of...whatever.
So are people commenting on the new improved you yet? I wonder if appealing to vanity is an AA technique? If not, it should be. Take care.Marie
> Marie,
>
> Glad to hear you are still working at your relationship. (Are you still not drinking?) It’s tough when you have been together for a long time because many of the issues have been around for many years. I find that changing established patterns is really hard for me. I have good intentions but then under the pressure of everyday life I revert back to form. I tend to do a lot of things on my own. My social life went to hell a number of years ago when my depression peaked and I have not gotten things in order. In fact I have very little interest in anything social it seems – and I know my wife hates that. Since I have been relatively well lately, I am active, but I find a lot of my activities are solitary. I bicycle – alone. I do woodwork projects – alone. There are rare times when I miss human company but I seem to satisfy myself by being a big part of my daughters’ activities. My wife was pointing out one day how few other couples we do things with unless our kids are involved. I know this is true, but I often find I don’t have the desire or energy to go and be social. I seem to be content with this although I know that she is not. We talk about it – but not much. It seems to be common that when we are really depressed, we wish for the minimum. Just to have some energy and desire to do something. To have the ability to concentrate or to make simple decisions. Then, when we feel better – we want everything. Happiness, excitement, challenges. All the things we have missed out on. For me, I always have the fear that I will slip back. In a way this has helped me to consider with some care what I take on. I try to stay away from pushing myself to overachieve now, something which caused me a lot of problems in the past.
> My wife and I have gone to some joint counseling sessions in the past. We seem to be very adept at skirting around the real issues. I think I am most at fault for this because I tend to try to ignore things and hope they will go away, or as i said above, be satisfied with the status quo. We have shifted back into overload mode now with kids back at school and wife teaching full time. It doesn't leave a lot of time to resolve issues and the months just fly by.
> I am doing okay. Pretty stable lately in my mood and I suppose not drinking has helped that. I have some real anxious times, but am generally more able to stay cool and make decisions. I would like to feel better yet, but I will give it time and hope for the best. At least by stopping drinking, I feel I am doing all I can.
>
> Take Care,
>
> Greg
poster:Marie1
thread:11546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11740.html