Posted by Mair on September 9, 2001, at 22:14:22
In reply to Re: Kazoo Sar - how this feels » mair, posted by sar on September 9, 2001, at 2:39:44
> Sar - you mean my inclination to say something like "is your habit of not recognizing me in public for your benefit or for mine because if it's for mine don't bother because i don't care about stuff like that" carries with it too much an an edge? (particularly when stated with barely concealed annoyance) You're young but wise beyond your years. I think it bugs me that she is only my pdoc and not someone with whom I have a therapeutic relationship. She doesn't know much more about me than my internist does and she's (my internist) very friendly when we cross paths. I think I'm also bother by the inference you raised that I'm going to try to get too close. My last pdoc used to periodically call me to check up on me, so uncertain was he that I'd ever initiate any contact with him even in the worst emergency. ( I am also the same person who was forced to consume at least 2 sessions with my current therapist being convinced that there were times that it was appropriate and necessary that i call her at home. I had told her, after all, in total seriousness, that I couldn't see calling her unless i actually was pointing a gun at my head, because why should I bother her if I wasn't actually going to hurt myself) Disrespecting boundaries is so not me. Also if someone's really trying not to acknowledge you, it seems like they're looking right through you which is disconcerting to say the least. I don't want anyone to have an "oh shit" reaction just because they bump into me. It seems so childish. Ah well - I'm sure i'll work this out with her.
Jenny - I guess there probably was a time when I would feel like you do. I've been very secretive about my illness and my treatment. Maybe the fact that i've been faking it with people for so long gives me the confidence to feel that i can easily fabricate a story for whomever I'm with as to why I know this person.