Posted by Cindylou on August 30, 2001, at 17:56:07
In reply to Re: looking for opinions, advice on having a baby. » Cindylou, posted by Diane J. on August 29, 2001, at 17:46:40
Hi Diane,
Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. You gave me a lot of encouragement and hope.... it is true that a lot of my postpartum anxiety was due to the fact that I had NO IDEA what I was doing!!! I was so afraid I was going to do something wrong; I had never really cared for an infant before. Now that I know I'm capable of taking care of a baby (i.e., she made it to 21 months at least!) I think it would alleviate a lot of the anguish.You also helped me realize that I don't really have to rush into a decision; I could possibly wait another year. Now that things are smoothing out and the medication seems to be working, at least I could get a good year under my belt before diving into the scary "hormonal unknown" again. I kept thinking that my daughter needed a brother or sister soon -- but a four year difference in age sounds appealing. She would probably be able to be more welcoming of a new baby then, and able to help out, as you mentioned your oldest daughter did. And I'd be 38 or 39 ... not TOO old to have a baby these days!
I have been making some friends who have young children, and it does help having other moms to bounce things off of... however, I am not close enough to any of them to tell them of my mood disorder issue. It would help so much if I had a friend to confide in, who would still accept me for me. That's why this board is such a blessing.
Thanks again for your time and support!
fondly,
cindy
> Hmmm... this is a difficult question, but I will give you my thoughts for what they're worth. I have two daughters who are now 14 and 10 years old. After I had the first one I was absolutely petrified at the thought of having another. I was not on medication then, but I was extremely anxious and did end up suffering from postpartum depression.
>
> When I got pregnant with my second child, I was very upset because I was so afraid that I would experience that depression again and the horrible anxiety. Well, I put that fear aside, eventually, and I gave birth to a beautiful, sweet little girl. This time I did not suffer the horrendous depression as I had after my first child.
>
> I think the reason for this is that the situation was different. I had been through a pregnancy and infancy and toddlerhood before and I was better prepared for all the challenging situations. Also, Baby #2 was an "easy" baby, always smiling and good about taking naps! My older daughter was 4 years old and she was big enough to help out. My husband was also a big source of support, and he was more confident of his parenting abilities this time.
>
> I think if you decide to have another baby it would probably be a good idea to know there is someone who can help you out. I mean, maybe there is someone who can babysit once in a while so you get some time to yourself, or maybe there is someone who also has young children who you could get together with on a regular basis. It helps to know you are not alone, that you are not the only one having those feelings.
>
> I cannot claim to have been anxiety and depression-free, but it was not debilitating the second time around. I wish you the best in making your decision.
>
> Diane J.
>
>
> > Hi,
> > This is my first post to Psycho-Social Babble -- I'm usually in the medication section.
> >
> > And this might be too weighty of a topic, I'm not sure. But I am having a difficult time deciding whether to have another baby or not ... I thought it might help to ask some people who may have been in my position before.
> >
> > I'm 37 years old, and have a 21-month old daughter. I really want her to have a brother or sister, and can't wait too long to decide what to do (since I'm getting up there in years.)
> >
> > I've had chronic depression for several years and have been treated with medication for about 12 years. When I was pregnant, I got off the medications and did fine, until shortly after I delivered my baby. Then I suffered horrible postpartum depression and anxiety. I had a terrible time getting back on medications -- I was extra sensitive to everything. Just now, I'm starting to feel human again.
> >
> > SO ... I am trying to decide ... should I go through it all again? Would it be fair to the new baby and my toddler if I go through the postpartum mess again? (I most likely will, according to research. Plus, it's supposed to get worse after each pregnancy.) I don't feel comfortable staying on meds while I'm pregnant -- I had a miscarriage when I was on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, even though I got off the meds as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I'm currently on Prozac and Wellbutrin.
> >
> > My other option is adoption -- but would it be difficult on the kids if one is adopted and one isn't?
> >
> > Thanks for letting me pour this out to you. I appreciate opinions, experiences, advice, whatever.
> >
> > -cindy
poster:Cindylou
thread:10449
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010825/msgs/10516.html