Posted by susan C on August 23, 2001, at 12:51:26
In reply to My mom, posted by akc on August 23, 2001, at 12:04:39
> I appreciate your concerns about my mom. Her cancer is not the problem that will cause her death -- the type of lung cancer is very slow growing -- what treatment she has had has reduced the tumor considerably. With this episode involving her COPD, my family and I have gained a lot of confidence in her pulminary specialist. I am not really focused on her treatment. My mom is receiving excellant care -- the hospital is not short-staffed as you read about so mnay being. When she comes home, we will be receiving great hospice care as needed.
>
> My focus from this point on is on my relationship with my mom. I have had a rocky relationship with my mother. I have always held her as guilty for what happened in my childhood as my father. Even though she suffered at his hand as well. My mother is incredibly intelligent -- probably the smartest person in the family. She handled the finances in the family -- there was no reason not to leave. So she stayed out of emotional reasons. I still do not understand, and may never.
>
> But just almost losing her Monday made me realize that it is time to let go of that -- or at least deal with it. I haven't been to see my mom in some time because of this chip I'm caring around -- so I almost lost my mom without seeing her one last time. How stupid on my part. Thank god that did not happen. What a regret I would have had to carry. I have been given the chance to go tomorrow to spend 5 days with her.
>
> I appreciate those of you who have shared some medical advice. Again -- I am not looking for that right now. My focus is on my mom and me just spending time together.
>
> akcI think a moment of clarity in my relationship with my spouse and, perhaps with life in general, was when I was in his mothers hospital room with him, during the same time as you describe now with your mother. The memory I have is of him standing at the head of her bed, stroking her hair.
Here is a woman who put up with abuse, with a man who beat the children with a leather strap, but in the end, after all that time, here was the son, here he was, he had the time to reconcile and to show affection.
I thought, here he is, stoking her hair. Just that kindness.
My keyboard is wet.
Time to go wash laundy, or do the dishes, or shuffle some paper and turn the music up loud.
a snuffling mouse,
Susan C.
poster:susan C
thread:10083
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010817/msgs/10087.html