Posted by ChrisK on August 16, 2001, at 4:05:10
In reply to Re: memories ChrisK, posted by mila on August 15, 2001, at 7:02:05
Mila,
I don't have a fixed way of grieving in my mind. I only know that I really never have grieved at the death of any family member. I've always been the one to make the phone calls to tell friends and relatives of the event and be the one who is completely composed at the funeral home.
My father died at about 3AM. I got a call from my mother to come to the hospital at about 1AM. I got there before the doctor told us that my father had died. It was just my mother, sister, brotherinlaw and me. When the doctor told us what had happened he asked if any of us wanted to go up to the operating room to say our goodbyes. I was the only one to go. After I was done with my prayers and kissing my father good-bye my mother gave me a cross that my father always wore. I have never taken it off since that night. It keeps me close to him somehow.
I can get teary eyed right now while I type this but I didn't have the breakdown reaction that my sister and mother had. I have heard others say that it is an Irish-Catholic type of reaction. The men in the family never lose control of our emotions when it comes to death.
My father had cancer a few years before he died (not the cause of his death) and I did take the time to write down all of the memories I had of him growing up - everything from him being my confirmation sposer to showing up to watch my HS soccer games. I know that the list of memories was saved and I'm sure that it helped in part to get him through the trying times of chemo-therapy and radiation treatments.
My sister is into making scrapbooks now and she has made one for my mother all about my father so there is a record of all he did for us.
It's been a while now but his legacy in our family is preserved. I don't feel bad about my initial reaction to his death but I do think that it's ironic that I get more emotional now than when he first died.
Chris
> Thank you, Chris,
>
> yours are wonderful memories.
>
> when my father died, my mother-in-law did a radical grief intervention on me within hours of his death. She pushed me onto a sofa and ordered me to tell her everything about my father, without hiding anything. Not the kind of stuff they put in the obituaries, but a candid story of the man's life and character. It took me 6 hours. And I believe it saved my baby ( I was 8 months pregnant then). I barely spoke Spanish then, and had to choose words very carefully, constantly looking into the dictionary. god bless her patience. I have never grieved (in the usual sense of word) afterwards. Father in my dreams now is always healthy and supportive, the best of his waking self. and in waking i do not have to tell people about the other side of him.
>
> I wonder what is the proper grieving in your understanding? Has your father's story been told?
>
> thanks again
>
> mila
poster:ChrisK
thread:9535
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9702.html