Posted by Wendy B. on July 28, 2001, at 14:48:07
In reply to Re: overdose, posted by sar on July 27, 2001, at 21:22:41
(...)
> > If I want you to stay around, because you seem like such a nice person who is trying to get it together, is that just me being selfish?
> >
> > A hug,
> > Wendy
>
>
>
> Wendy,
>
> thank you. i don't even know what to say. my theories on suicide differ so much from the norm that i believe they must be bizarre or extreme, and it's such a sticky topic.
>not so sticky, I've wondered all my life how, if someone wants to be gone from this world, their right to do that should be taken away by zealous hotline helpers and concerned shrinks. I have trouble with it myself...
I think I live outside the norm most of the time, I hate the banal. sometimes I just want everybody to be well, and you get attached to certain folks on the BBoard. you think the right thing to say is: 'killing yourself is not the way out of your particular hell, please think again.'
> how can suicide be classy? i don't know, maybe it's just my idealization of it. Purposeful overdose, like eating too many opium cakes or clenching an asp to your bosom or jumping into an active volcano seem--appropriate? Nobly forlorn?I get the concept, intellectually. Your examples are very funny, excuse the laughter (it's a waayyy serious subject, man). I think I can understand the urge to do away wih myself, too, I've had it once or twice. my sister's had it, just this low-level 'what's the point of living' attitude most of our lives. at extreme moments we have stepped near the edge, literally. our noble way is drowning, but we're both good swimmers. go figure...
I had a friend whose method would have been drowning too, but he would do it really BIG, like jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, you know, high drama.
Is fantasizing about it the same as glorifying it, or idealizing it?>
> shooting yourself in the head=not classy. getting a cop to shoot you=not classy.
>
> i hope this isn't making you uncomfortable...No, it's really ok... But Hemmingway shot himself in the head, actually, he put a shotgun on the ground, put his mouth over it, and reached down and blew his head off, or so I've read. And he was a classy guy, I guess...
> one moment i am drunkenly suicidal, the next morning i am in giggles and eating my organic vegan food lingering over hot tea and loving the sun. dr. jekyll & ms. hyde.yeah, it's always the big back and forth. I don't drink or do anything more than pot and/or two drinks, tops, because my meds for BP II might cause me to have a seizure (they say)... so I'm not a good help on that issue. I drank a lot when I was in college, but now it's too hard on my body... have you ever done the detox route, or a 12-step program? i know lots of people find the AA thing very weird, too rigid, too much god/spirituality/higher power stuff... whatever.
organic, vegan food, though, I've been getting into that more and more lately, where I live is a particularly good environment for that kind of eating, that lifestyle.
but the dichotomy is clear here: if you care enough about your body during one part of the day to eat vegan, organic food, and you love it! and then don't care a thing about your body later when you drink too much... what's it all about?
> JahL once wrote that if he goes to a party and isn't having a good time, he leaves, and it's no big deal.you mean you just stay, no matter what, and get trashed?
> just such a private choice.sometimes I think it's the only way for some people, if you're drinking, you just do it till you're numb...
> i have lots of doctors and pills, lots of my anxiety is gone, i listen to music now and have started perusing non-psychology books in the first time for more than a year.music is the way, man, it really soothes me, too, playing guitar as well... like I said, it seemed from your posts that you're really getting some moments of clarity and lightness... being able to laugh and enjoy life while drinking tea and eating excellent food is a good sign, no?
> i feel so weird. i feel like my views are just completely socially unacceptable, stop eating meat and allow people to die.
not at all! I'm only wanting to understand better, and yeah, stop eating meat and allow people to die sounds ok, I'm not calling these things socially unacceptable. I'm sorry if you took it that way.
> thanks Wendy, and hugs to you too.I'm behind you, for whatever that's worth...
xox,
Wendy
poster:Wendy B.
thread:7857
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010726/msgs/8183.html