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Re: How do I get over this?

Posted by Diane J. on July 20, 2001, at 18:59:15

In reply to Re: How do I get over this?, posted by ljasak on July 19, 2001, at 11:00:11

I think Shelly has given you some very good advice. Being direct is a lot different than being abusive. My ex-therapist would get angry with me if I disagreed with something she said. Her version of events was always the correct one, and I was labeled oppositional and uncooperative. I remember thinking, "My instincts can't be wrong 100% of the time, can they?" She always was telling me what to do, and if I failed to comply I had to pay for it. If I became upset, I was "acting like a two-year-old." Dr. H always backed up her assertations with statements such as, "According to Freud," or "Psychologists agree," things like that. She also violated confidentiality on 4 different occasions by telephoning people on my supposed behalf without my consent. I mentioned once that she was not very nice and she said it was not her job to be nice. She wanted me to leave my psychiatrist for a different one and she told me unflattering things about him. When I refused to change she became angry and demanded an explanation. I learned that to survive I had to agree with everything she said and be grateful for her help, even if I really thought it was a load of ****. This was my first experience with therapy so I had nothing to compare it to. I was severely depressed and I believed her when she said I was a problem. But finally I was able to realize that I was not so bad as she said I was. The problems with our relationship were not because of me. She had so much difficulty with boundaries that she polluted the entire relationship and doomed it. Also she was just kind of mean, ya know?

> > Can you tell us what she was saying that you thought was verbally abusive? I'm curious bec. sometimes I myself can't tell whether my therapist is being "abusive" or just trying to "toughen me up" and show me the way I really am -- quite confusing!




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