Posted by annalaura on July 4, 2001, at 4:31:41
In reply to Re: Why should i go on? Jenny R, posted by sar on July 4, 2001, at 2:23:04
> Dear Anna Laura,
>
> What is TCA? What did you think of the benzos? (Ive recently been put on one and I'm curious, as well as concerned for you.)
>
TCA stands for Tryclic Antidepressants: they're the oldest ones along with MAOI: they both have been discovered in the 50's.
You asked me what i think of the benzos: well, they didn't work that well in the long run since they're depressors of the nervous system and you don't need to take that alone if you're depressed. I found them to be very addictive also: i took a long time to quit them. I think SSRI are the best for anxiety: they don't cover you 100% , as benzos do, which is good 'cause the you a little margin to react;
> Anehedonia and depression are so fuckin hard, but i want you to think about things rationally. this hits close to home for me. my aunt, who went through periods of being anorexic and delusional w/ thyroid problems jumped around from doctor to doctor for years. About 5 years ago she began talking about her "multi-million dollar lawsuit" against the docs who'd misdiagnosed her for so many years. She was in her late fifties at the time.
> > in 1996 she couldn't handle it anymore and committed suicide. this broke my father's (her lil brother) heart badly. he has never recovered form this tragedy.I'm sorry about your aunt. I don't think i'll ever suite them anyway, it's like in the back of my head and i reconsider that at times but i don't think i'm going to do that because it's going to be too stressful and i don't want that: i have too much stress to handle already and life it's too short to be wasted in endless lawsuit.
> they say that psychiatry is more of an art than a science. wouldn't it be nice if we could take a bood test or something to figure out what the hell's wrong? but we can't. psychs are human beings, trying their best, and some are better than others.
>I don't hink they tried their best because they were holding a prejudice towards me: they thought i was a drug-addict just because i wore strange clothes and i hang out with "strange people" (i was an activist, took a part in the 1990 movement ,i squatted my university: if you want to know more what the thing is about watch the movie "The strawberry statement": it was very similar to that experience). So they were holding a prejudice towards me, substantially thinking a was a d*** head and my activist friends a bunch of junkies, which it wasn't true at all: they gave me the wrong diagnosis because of that, i'm sure.
If i had been less "wild", a fearful, "respectful"
little girl, they would have realized i wasn't a "junkie" but suffering from depression instead.> i really encourage doing your own research, reading as much psychology as you can so that you won't visit the doctor expecting him to be able to sum it up in 45 minutes.
>
I'm supposed to be graduating in psychology (i'm a little bit old for that, but who cares? I'm going to go back to college and graduate no matter what), i know already lots of thinks about psychology, read hundreds of books, took examinations: i believe to be kind of counterproductive though, since pdocs don't like that (knowing too much) so they get competitive and you don't want that.> what are your psychotic features like?
>Right now i'm not psychotic (thanks god!).
The first bout of psychosis was way back in 1993: i was 24 years old, i had a terrible anxiety: this anxiety grew worse day by day until i reached the so-called "bottom".
I experienced uttermost horror: it was like being inside an horror-movie (did you see "In the mouth of madness" by John Carpenter? ).
I began thinking i was experiencing that horror because god was punishing me for my political ideals/views and chose me to see Apcalypse/the end of the world coming before everyone else could.
My former pdoc (the wonderful one, the guy who saved my life) was puzzled: he suspected this to be schizophrenia, but gave me depression with psychotic features diagnosis at the end. He took all of his efforts to drag me out of madness. He told me :"You're psychotic, do you realize that?!!"
"Yes i do - i replied -but, since i'm psychotic, i'm using a part of the brain normal people don't use: that's why i can realize Apocalypse it's in the air before anyone else can."
After saying that i saw my pdoc grow red in the face, shouting :"Get out of this!!" i realized he was really worried about me, that he was caring and understanding, that's why i stepped back in to "reality": it was very painful though, because being delirious it's kind of sedating: it's like giving the horror a meaning: as soon as you do that, you become totally insane, which it's kind of soothing your horror/anxiety and you feel comfortable with it.
So it was very painful for me to step back in the pure, meaningless horror i was in before getting mad. I did it for my pdoc: it was like a kind of mother for me at that moment. I felt like a child playing with the electric socket, and the mother yelling at me "Don't do that!".> i'm very concerned about you, because in my mind, mild depression can hurt more than major depression in the long run.
>
Yes, i believe that's true also; anhedonia really sucks.
> please take care of yourself, and don't turn your back on meds because some haven't worked for you. There are so many out there.
>I won't do that, don't worry!!! I'm going to another pdoc today afternoon : i'm trying different combination of meds at the moment.
> keep posting.> love,
> sarThanks for answering Sar,
Anna Laura
poster:annalaura
thread:7004
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010628/msgs/7058.html