Posted by sar on July 2, 2001, at 2:23:27
In reply to The fool to my T., posted by Patches on July 1, 2001, at 13:45:21
hey Patches,
it sounds like you're caught up in an unhealthy cycle of self-balme. if your therapist told you you could e-mail him, then he should have meant it, he should have stuck with it.
some therapists will not be suited to you. please don't blame yourself for this. he may feel overwhelmed by his job (he's got patients other than you) and may not have the energy to respond to every e-mail. on the other hand, if his server denied access to you, i think you ought to consider seeing a new therapist. it's a difficult crux. one of my pdocs gave me her home # but i didn't have the courage to call, i felt i'd be invading.
my opinion is this: is the therapist gives you his/her e-mail address, (s)he has no damn business blocking you. that's flat-out shitty. they need to be honest and set limits. My current psych has told me "You can call me whenever you want," tough I've not had the courage to do so. BUT IF I DID, I wouldn't want to get the impression that I was bothering her.
Psychs and therps are human beings. I see no problem in them setting limits, but I think that lying is extremely detrimental to the patient's health (and we don't even really know if he was lying, but you have reason to suspect that he was). I think that perhaps you should discuss this with him, and if you still feel uncomfortable, switch therps.
One time my pdoc told me she'd be on vacation and miss a few appointments, and to be polite I asked her where she was going. "Why are you curious about that?" she asked me. Made me feel like a creep. Anyway, she knew how to set boundaries without lying, the subject was dropped, and I understood that she wanted to keep her personal life completely private, whch I respect.
Why should you be ashamed with your psych?! This is an issue I've been struggling with myself. *You pay them for this service, and they are well-trained for it.* Please don't hide, tell you therp how you feel. You're not there to impress him, you're there to get help.
Respecting boundaries is a sticky situation, eh? You tell all to a doc but at the same time you're a Patient. And a Human Being, but consider him: has he the emotinal energy to deal with your extra e-mail? Respecting boundaries is so important and confusing, as everyone's differ.
It sounds to me like you should talk to your thero about this. I doubt that he and his wife are having laughs over your probs--what are tou, the Star if the Show, yo? Maybe he;s too busy or depressed himself. Alot of psychs have their own pychological problems,
Anyway, I'd suggest you talk it over with him, and if you still feel uncomforatble, seek out a doctor who wo'll be more suppotive--tho it is a trail & error process.
Please don't cut yourself over this. If your therp is lyin to you, chnces are he a fuckin jerk. he is the one not doing his job coirrectly, but at the sane time, if i were you, i'd consider that i pAY this guy X$ per hour, and maybe in his free time he wants to play golf and drink maritinis rather than responinf to depressong e-mail. he has a life roo.
and so do you. you need an approptiate doctor. talk it out, man, and ,et us know how it goes.
best wishes,
sar
poster:sar
thread:6975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010628/msgs/6986.html