Posted by Rzip on May 11, 2001, at 10:08:35
I didn't realize how big of an emotional and psychological influence my therapist has over me until he cancelled all our appointments for this week. So, our once a week appointment was supposed to be this Monday. But at our last session the previous week, he suddenly informed me at the end of the session that he will not be here this Monday. He did not give a reason why at the time, nor did I ask for one. Up till then, he has demonstrated himself to be a very good and competent therapist. His therapy was very effective. My life was improving. I was happy. And everything was heading in a positive direction.
So, when he told me that he will not be able to hold our usual session, I felt that he is perfectly within his rights to reschedule. Afterall therapists have a personal life too. So, we rescheduled for this Thursday. A lot of good things happened to me during the week, so I was looking forward to our Thurs. session. Then on Tuesday night, I get a message on my answering machine stating that something unexpected had came up and he will have to cancel our Thursday session too. And I found out that he went out of town on Monday so that's why he could not meet with me. The reason he gave for not being in his office on Thursday is that he has to attend a school function that he was not obligated to attend before, but now he is. At that time, I was thinking fine. I can be understanding, afterall my therapist is a human being, with his own personal life and conflicts. I thought it was a bit sudden and plus, it was the second time in a row. But still, I was annoyed, but otherwise fine with it. I am
supposed to work on this weekly consistency thing--where I see him every week for a certain length of time to build-up a therapeutic enough relationship, so that I will feel more comfortable talking. So far, this semester, I have made it to each session over the course of the past month. Things were going really well. Anyway, back to my story...I was disappointed that we were not able to meet this Thursday, but things were going well for me -- so I was very understanding about the situation and I called him back and left a message that we can just meet next Monday at our usual 6:30p.m. time-slot. In the back of my head, I was thinking that there was no way that the 6:30p.m. time-slot would not work because that is our usual time-slot and it's next week. Guess what, he called back and left a message on my answering machine that 6:30 on Monday would not work because he got backed up in scheduling with his other clients since he was away. Lousy excuse! That made me mad.First of all, if you know that you are going away, you should have foreseen the conflicts in advance so that we would not have this problem. Second of all, I still think it is cruel to me to ask me to reschedule a third time. I mean this is not a strictly business interaction. I just feel so uncomfortable. I can't think straight. I mean, we rescheduled over the phone for an ealier time slot next monday. And over the phone, I failed to tell him how I felt about all this because scheduling an appointments is a business/administrative thing and I do not attach emotions to that. In hindsight, if I had told him how I really felt instead of pretending that everything was o.k., I probably would not be in therapy.
So, once I got my appointment for this Monday at the different time-slot, I felt very bad and distracted. I mean I do not even know whether I am justified in feeling this way or not. Is this my problem or did my therapist do something wrong? Is this a real life issue or am I justified in feeling upset? I called and left messages on his anwering machine, but so far he has not called back. Maybe he is too busy. I just somehow feel slighted and I do not know if I am within norm to feel this way. I mean this scheduling conflict happened with my therapist so that complicates my emotions since I am not sure whether I should be more understanding and forgiving; or I should be upset. I feel very distracted due to all this. He is really a very good therapist and he has helped me a great deal. This is the first time where he has given me reasons to reflect upon his professionalism. I still feel bad. I feel like because I have been seeing him off and on for the past half a year, I do not deserve as much consideration as his more regular long-term clients who have been with him for a couple of years. I do feel slighted. But the real problem is that he is the only one that I can turn to with my random thoughts, who I can talk to. So, that compounds the situation since I have no one really to talk to about this. Which is why I finally decided to write it down here. How should I feel about all this? Just an unfortunate turn of events; or should I feel upset with him?
Rzip
poster:Rzip
thread:5950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010511/msgs/5950.html