Posted by Todd on February 28, 2001, at 23:44:05
In reply to Re: NO Part of Me Doesn't Want to Get Well » Todd, posted by dj on February 28, 2001, at 8:03:21
Hello, DJ. Really good question. I'll try to find the words to express the process. First off, my healer comes from a place inside herself that is full of light and love. I sensed that, and completely trusted her. Thank God I found her, or that she found me, or that we found each other. With all the other therapists I have encountered, I would not be nearly as willing to bare my soul as I did with her. Many other therapists are so technical and scientific that they lack the human element that is SO incredibly important in the healing process. She loved me unconditionally, yet put the full responsibility of healing myself on me. She didn't do it for me. Nobody can truly heal another. When healing takes place, YOU are the one who has done it. A healer is merely a guide.
Basically, the intense fear and depression I was experiencing seemed to me to be irrational given the set of circumstances. I knew there was no logical reason for any of it, and told myself that I shouldn't be feeling it, which brought me to her for help. She set me back on track and taught me NOT to say "I shouldn't be feeling it." That's denying your feelings, which escalates fear and depression. It's denying yourself the reality that you are experiencing. Rather, she taught me to allow myself my feelings and lovingly validated each one. She told me what I was going through was perfectly normal. That didn't make the experience any less painful, because feeling unpleasant emotions is never a picnic, but it gave me the strength I needed to grit my teeth and stay on track. You see, in order to truly heal, we really have to feel quite a bit of pain so that we can understand how our fears were formed.
She recognized that what I was going through was the pain of my inner child. She is very well-versed on these matters and is connected to them very intimately. Which reminds me of another consideration regarding a choice of therapists. Any therapist who has not done laps in their own pool of darkness will be of very limited assistance. Anyway, our early childhood is where these fears are rooted. The initial trauma, and everybody has one, is where our fears developed. We all tried to stop the pain, and in the process, blocked it up inside of us. It kind of becomes frozen there in an energetic sense. When we were little, this was our method of survival, and it served us well and kept us safe. Problem is, those subconscious methods of staying safe are carried over into adulthood and keep us from expressing our true selves and experiencing life fully.
The important thing here is what I mentioned earlier about our pain being frozen within us. Every single time in our adult lives that we experience any event similar to our original trauma, we are re-experiencing every single similar experience we have had throughout our lives since birth. At the same time! Yikes! That's what distorts our perceptions of the current situation and exaggerates the pain and suffering of our lives. A girlfriend breaks up with us and we are dealing with that, and every other abandonment throughout our lives all the way back to the time our mother first left us alone. Over time, the original trauma becomes, in our subconscious mind, something of unspeakable terror and keeps the old fears firmly in place to limit our lives. So we cut ourselves off from feeling it, but we also cut ourselves off from our own creative process that wishes to heal that pain and lead a rich, fulfilled life.
My healer basically "held" me while I experienced all of that blocked pain and helped me to understand it and to let it go. She teaches me to trust my instincts and to create what I want for myself without letting my old fears rule me. It ain't easy. Those fears are always there and continue to taunt me at times. And there is probably a lot of pain left inside to deal with. But I am learning that I am not my fears, and I am not my pain. I am learning to find the light inside of me and to let it shine through to dissolve those fears. My light is really who I am. I am just trying to let it shine brightly. Godspeed on your journey as well, and sante!
Todd
poster:Todd
thread:4784
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010209/msgs/4876.html