Posted by dove on January 24, 2001, at 15:33:55
In reply to Re: My Greatest Fear » roo, posted by Noa on January 24, 2001, at 12:25:49
Struggling on and on, just to get to the place where life and living consort, and then the wherewithal and retrospective comprehension show you all you have missed, all that has passed you by, and then you must turn forward again or risk losing your foot-hold, and struggle forward knowing what you have missed, what you have had, what you are having, what you may miss, and what you may attain all in a blink of an eye.
There is always guilt to be faced with, self-condemnation to be silenced, hopelessness to be ignored, personal utter failure to be dismissed with every inhale and exhale. Even when things are bright and shiny there hides a shadow, whether real or imagined, waiting to engulf the victory of lightness.
One must deceive their own mind, must essentially assassinate part of what they are in order to conquer the fear; for the enemy lies within not without.
And what *is* life, what is living? Without life there is only emptiness, death. Without death is there merely consumption and waste, is that all life amounts to? And if indeed there is life and death, living and deceasing, is there then an afterlife?
Yes, I believe so, for without that key belief I'm sucker-punched and gone. Belief is a powerful tool, and a powerful weapon. The tool can be wielded with grace and beauty for good, and just as easily it can turn on its owner, consuming the vital life-giving blood, leaving a vulnerable shell in the weapon's wake.
And the afterlife holds much fear, anticipation, hope, and anxiety for me. However, this is a much better outlook than nothing at all. And deep in my bones I feel there is a "prince of darkness" who carries disease and death as its rewards, and I believe there is a King of Lightness, of life itself, who will break the prince of darkness' stranglehold on this mortal life, the King of Life will prevail, and that is the immortal afterlife I hope to reside in.
Dearest Scott, you always touch me, and I am *SO* grateful for your attention, your mental acuity, your gentle prowess in your advice, and your warm friendship. You are so hard on yourself, and I don't blame you as I fight the same battle daily, the fear of losing the battle is so great, yet the promise rests just beyond our fingertips, or just beyond our long-range vision depending on where your *exact* location on the map is :-) I send my appreciation, my prayers, my hopes, and my love out your way Scott!!!
~dove
poster:dove
thread:3948
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010105/msgs/4168.html