Posted by TomV on November 8, 2000, at 11:34:58
In reply to Re: I Agree with Racer, posted by Mark H. on November 7, 2000, at 18:04:57
> Dear Tom,
>
> I won't suggest that the death of your father *isn't* a factor in your depression, only that believing it to be the cause may hold you back from healing (we can't undo our early influences, especially the death of a parent).
>
> We get to choose our beliefs, however, and one belief to consider trying on is that the "cause" of depression is completely irrelevant (despite an almost universal desire to understand why something like depression is happening to "me"). Another belief to experiment with is that you can move through this, regardless of what has happened to you in the past.
>
> If these beliefs seem preposterous at the moment, please consider the possibility that they are no more illusory or false than any other belief we have about ourselves, and that they may hold more potential for healing. It's OK to approach them with skepticism, as long as you keep an open mind.
>
> Whether you are ever free of depression or not, I *believe* you can move through your father-grief to a place of deep personal release and freedom. I'd like to know how it goes for you.
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Mark H.Dear Mark,
I'm not 100% certain, but I do believe you were one of many to respond to one of my posts regarding my situation earlier this summer. I think I remember you guiding me to a posting about your own story, and that you wrote a very thoughtful post to me in response. I thank you for that.
I guess what I clearly need to convey about my depression is that I am sure, without uncertainty, that my father's death is at the "root" of it. I use the term root somewhat loosely because there have been other events that have unfolded later on in life that have a bearing on my situation today. But the tributaries all flow back to same rivers from the same ocean. Compressed, repressed, grief for a young developing boy can do damage to his mind without him ever knowing it. I guess thats the best way of describing what happened to me. The pain was so overwhelming that not only could I not deal with this negative emotion but all negative emotions that came after that. I did develop an anxiety/dissociative disorder because of this pain, but I've come to learn it saved me in some strange way. The problem is that was then and this is now.
Another problem I'm experiencing is a damaged belief system. I always believed that I could control this pain. And for many, many years I did. But letting it engulf me today is sorta against what I learned in the past, how to cope, etc. Thats why I say it feels like I can't really be helped RIGHT NOW, but someday in the future the clouds will lift. On their own? With someone's help? I don't know. But I am confident I'll come through this a stronger person.
Let me just finish by saying that I sense you are genuinely concerned about what happens to me. I'll try to keep you informed as I also hope that you have moved to a "place of deep personal release and freedom". Wow, wouldn't I love to join you there...
poster:TomV
thread:2240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2303.html