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Re: labels

Posted by ksvt on October 27, 2000, at 22:11:55

In reply to Re: labels » Ted, posted by allisonm on October 27, 2000, at 7:00:13


Alisonm - for me the worst thing about really being depressed is that it has such a permanent feel. We also have had such bad experiences, that we're constantly looking over our shoulders waiting for that next episode to hit, and not knowing how long it will hang around. The first time my shrink used the term "chronic" I pretty much freaked because, like you, I felt that it was sort of a life sentence. I try to stay away from those labels when I can because I think they really are scary and not particularly helpful. I'm far better off when I'm not thinking and speculating about my long term prognosis. Over time, I've learned that even if depression is a part of my daily life, there are degrees of depression. Sometimes it feels pretty debilitating, but sometimes it's there in the background but I'm able to handle it better. When I'm real depressed, I try to remember that the most acute feelings do go away, regardless of how permanent they seem at that moment. I also sometimes try to think of it like a wave I've been caught in. I just have to ride the wave until it hits shore - I may not be able to control it alot, but it will hit and I will be able to come up for air. I feel really bad for you because I can identify so well with everything you are writing about. Try to hang in there because I know you won't feel exactly as you do now forever. ksvt


Ted,
> Yes I tried lithium for 6 months to augment Remeron. It hated it. I could not stop the weight gain no matter how much I exercised or watched what I ate. I had diarrhea every day at 11 a.m. and in the afternoon. I could set my clock to it.
>
> I have not tried lamictal, zyprexa, or the other antipsychotics.
>
> < < Is it possible for you to really relax and de-stress? Sometimes exercise helps (but it ain't no cure). > >
> Work has been difficult and stressful for the last 8 months or more. About the only thing that helps with stress is taking a day off. weekends don't do it.
>
> < < Do you get any support from those around you? > > Not much. My mother died of her alcoholism two years ago and within two weeks of when my husband left me. I am an only child. My father doesn't think I should be taking these drugs or going to a doctor because I'm the most "level-headed girl" he knows, so I can't talk to him. I have a friend I email a lot who has depression who has been a great help. My best friend is supportive but she is meeting with HR today(at their request) to see if she still has a job because her boss doesn't like her and she's pregnant unexpectedly after losing her baby last March, so she's under a TON of stress and I don't want to burden her. My other best friend does not understand depression, doesn't see why I'm on drugs and just thinks I should think positively. That's my support system. I used to talk to my boss because she's had depression, but she just tried to get me to take a medical leave because she didn't like the way I was reacting to her ridiculous projects and management, so I don't dare mention anything -- especially difficulties. She's afraid for her job right now, too, so her energies are going into keeping employed, not helping others. My weekly sessions wiith my psychiatrist are the best support I have. It's sad when you have to pay someone to listen to you.
>
> < < What I did in the distant past was just go to where lots of people were, like the park or library, and just read. I felt better just being out and about instead of hiding in my apartment. > >
> When I am feeling bad I stay away from people -- even friends. I feel dark and self-conscious and reluctant to interact. When I do I am prone to biting their heads off.
>
> Allison


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