Posted by laural on October 22, 2000, at 4:04:15
A lot of you guys mention intelligence or seeing the truth as the cause of depression and i just don't buy that. I've done it too--romanticise my condition--automatically putting myself up there with the Dead Famous Ones just because i had all this angst and i wrote pain poems about not fitting in and i convinced myself that i didn't want to fit in. I know you could call me a genius by my IQ if you go by that kind of thing but no matter how chosen you are, what matters to me is that i don't hate myself and everybody else. I can tolerate so much more now and it feels good to be accepted. granted, i don't consider myself amongst the norm and am proud of my eccentricities, but that's all a matter of relative taste, not TRUTH. yeah, the world is scary and harsh and people en masse are really scary, especially when it comes to politics, but day to day living, like smiles in the supermarket or someone giving you 50 cents for bus fare, you gotta love them. i don't mean to sound cheesy. But the disease i have is a disease that makes you the star of your own private hell with a soundtrack to boot. In real life, its not romantic. I have a disease that tells me i should kill myself, that's bullsh*t! there is so much to life and i can't explain it because its a personal high but at some times everything is alright. and those stupid things that normal people do like house in the burbs and kids and stuff, its a new adventure. Maybe that is a delusion, brought about by our DNA, as we are simply vectors for procreation and this is the best way to go about it--you know, wanting to live? But I guess I'de rather be happy in ignorance than miserable with the truth, I want back into EDEN (see my post fallen angels). laural
poster:laural
thread:1433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1433.html