Posted by noa on October 12, 2000, at 10:20:04
In reply to mirror mirror on the wall..., posted by Jena Lyn on October 11, 2000, at 22:32:20
Good questions.
I think this is related to the thread I and medlib and ksvt have been doing on deep (non-verbal) self-experiences.For me, I have had such divergent experiences of my self depending on my mood, etc. and they have been experienced so separately, like switching tv channels. When watching one, I cannot see the other at all. Over time, in therapy, I have worked toward bringing them together, as seeing the whole me, depressed and not depressed, as one me. The metaphor that helps me is Picture-in-picture technology, like an inset in the tv screen to see more than one channel at a time, or like having two windows open on the computer at the same time. It has been slow, painstaking work to get to this point. These two senses of my self are still different, but I can at least "view" them at the same time, sometimes, and see them both as really me.
But I had to accept the idea that both are part of the real me, because I wanted so badly for the non-depresssed me to be the Real Me. But because I wanted it so badly, I was perpeutating the pendulum experience of my self, I think. Like running away from Depressed Me, only to be totally devasted if it snuck up and caught me by surprise again at some later time.
I think that people who struggle with mood disorders, especially if early in life, do miss out on some important developmental time in terms of developing a stable sense of self. But even those who are hit with Depression later in life struggle with identity. William Styron talked about not recognizing himself, for instance.
poster:noa
thread:990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1005.html