Posted by shar on September 24, 2000, at 19:18:48
In reply to Lucky to Be Alive, posted by Andre Allard on September 24, 2000, at 16:53:12
Andre,
You have chosen the hard path--living. That takes so much
courage,
perseverence,
determination,
guts,
strength of will,
character, and
balls,
suicide pales in comparison. Having longed for my own death, prayed for it, so many times, I know what kind of restraint it takes to live.Your pain has not gone unnoticed, and will never be minimized by me. I despise the pain you are experiencing with my whole being. I despise that anyone should have to endure it.
You have shown your courage. I want you to keep to the hard path. I want you to be here six months from now. I want you to stick to finding some thing that's right for you, and can make your life less painful. It is a real possibility that you can live in less pain, and I don't want you to stop fighting until you find a better peace for yourself.
As long as you can tell a hawk from a handsaw, stay. Stay to curse another day.
Yours,
Shar
> I have been suffering from depression, OCD and anxiety disorders for the last few years.
>
> A year and a half ago, I became addicted to various drugs (benzodiazipines, pain killers, alcohol, pot) to elleviate they way I felt. The drugs progressed to a suicide attempt.
>
> Since then I have been pretty much clean - until now.
>
> I cannot give a specific reason for abusing drugs again. Perhaps I am not on meds that work for me or perhaps I am going threw difficult stressors at the pressent. I do not know.
>
> I am lucky to be alive.
>
> It was my birthday just over a week ago. If I could have had one wish that day it would have been to spend some time with a particuliar girl I care very much for. I talked to her the night before and she sounded excited about coming out for my birthday. All day I tried to reach her and by midnight I gave up. I was out with a few friends at a bar and I was kicked out for having a mickey in my pants. So around I wandered.
>
> The next day I wake up in a hospital bed. It seems as though I took a few to may pills that night and someone found me passed out on the road and called the ambulance.
>
> The drugs did not stop there. For the next three day I continued to take enough pills to knock out a horse.
>
> Just the other night I would have loved to have ingested a bizillion pills but I did not have anymore. I went through my roomates room and even began calling around to see if any stores were open at the hour that sold aspirin - so I could go and by some and OD.
>
> At the moment I do not want to be alive. I would love to die more then anything. I do not want to be in the hospital as I have spent over three months there for depression.
>
> I do not tell anyone what is going on and I honestly do not know if I will be around next week. I do know one thing though, I am hurting pretty bad and I do not know what the hell to do.
poster:shar
thread:661
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/666.html