Posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2014, at 22:18:17
In reply to Re: stalking, posted by deerock on October 20, 2014, at 20:56:14
I think that when something has been a big part of your life for some time the thought of it being completely over can leave a pretty big hole. Even when it is in your best interests to move on, moving on can be something of a process. It can take time.
I think it is fairly normal to have a drive for connection... I guess part of the reason why you wanted to end the relationship was that you thought that it wasn't the healthiest of connections, though. It can take time to foster new relationships. Old relationships are comfortable, in a way. Can feel safer even when they aren't safe. Because there are patterns of interactions... We know what to expect.
There is this think that I remember from psychology... 'Don't think about oranges'. If you try really really really really hard not to think about oranges... 'Don't think about oranges, alex, not thinking about oranges alex, no thinking about oranges alex'... Then despite my best efforts... I'm fairly much constantly thinking about oranges.
It is kinda paradoxical... But the best way to not think about oranges is to... Focus on something else entirely. HOrses. Wow horses. How cool are horses - right? All the different kinds of horses...
What I mean is... Focusing on moving on... On letting go of your relationship... That might not be the best way forward. Honouring some of your legitimate needs for companionship and friendship and also for some kind of comfortable routines (though it can take a while for new routines to become comfortable)... I wonder what things you could focus on developing instead?
Is there something that you would kinda sorta like to do? Sometimes people have things... But there have been naggy voices at some point.. People saying that it is a waste of time or no good will come of it or you aren't any good at it or you can't do it.
So many things... To run a 5k. To take up photography. To draw. To write. To crochet. To play hockey. To plant trees for charity. To play a musical instrument. To join a film group...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1072331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140702/msgs/1072620.html