Posted by Partlycloudy on June 30, 2014, at 8:56:50
Elsewhere I have related that I had a poor experience at a non-traditional, "holistic" rehab facility to help me with my relapse into alcoholism.
In short, I had already detoxed myself at home, and spent almost a month in hysterics. I cried almost constantly, had suicidal ideations, and was threatened not only with involuntary hospitalisation, but was told twice that I was probably in the wrong facility. But carry on.
I became the pariah of my peers. When I would ask to join a table to eat with them, they'd agree. Then one by one, they'd leave, until I was alone. Every meal. The only person who would have me was a blind 86 year old man, or the facility staff. I would bolt down my food and scatter. I felt like Typhoid Mary, and mentioned it several times to my counselor. Also to the nursing staff. "You're imagining it." I was told. I kept silent. What do say to that, when you're mentally ill and under so much pressure?
I did feel that I was being traumatized by the experience, but also that maybe that was the point of being there. It was really frightening. When I left halfway through, I saw my therapist when I got home, and we spent that session going over what had happened. She said she thought I might need to work on my PTSD some more as a result. "But I feel OK," I replied. It was true.
A couple weeks on, and I am not OK. Can't sleep, eating is all disrupted, and my motivation has come to a full stop. I forced myself to go to my women's support group last night. We are all empaths to one degree or another. I told them an abbreviated version of my experience. Some of the women I had never met before.
"You've been traumatized." was what one woman said. Also that the other patients felt threatened by my openness and willingness to learn and get well. That I was taking on their misery and pain, and trying to protect myself with the crying, trying to end the experience and often hiding in my room. (I had some success with noise cancelling headphones.)
So I will talk to my therapist this week about it. But I feel like dog poop that I have put both shoes into. And I wear them every day.
PC
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:1067641
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20140310/msgs/1067641.html