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Ideal Fit

Posted by Dinah on September 7, 2013, at 10:46:08

I talked about this, briefly, with my therapist. We tossed around some ideals, but in the end we agreed. There is no ideal client and no ideal therapist.

A therapist can be as technically skilled as possible in his own chosen approach, and be helpful to a large number of patients, and be not at all helpful to other patients.

Jeffrey Kottler, who writes great books on therapy, obviously would be a great therapist for many. But he likely wouldn't suit me. He moves around a great deal, and I think I remember that he has expectations of change faster than I would like. My rate of change is glacially slow, and any attempt to speed me up would more or less cause the opposite.

T3 was likely more technically skilled than my therapist. But I don't know that she managed any particular change in me, outside a shift in attitude towards my own therapist with that curse she placed on me. In the long run, her more "direct" style, however expertly it was delivered, wasn't right for me.

What makes for a great fit in therapy? Is it tangible or intangible? How much is it therapeutic technique and how much is it chemistry?

I often suspect that my therapist is partly a perfect fit for me because of who he is. A largish man who manages to combine a flexible exterior with a rigid backbone. And partly he's a perfect fit because he makes an effort to become a perfect fit. He's willing to work on the relationship to a far greater extent than most therapists would, and in turn the working on the relationship becomes part of the therapy that benefits me outside therapy.




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