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Grief vs. Depression (A downer about death)

Posted by stewie on March 26, 2012, at 16:08:00

I just lost my beloved brother to suicide last week.We will never know if it was due to despair or psychosis (paranoia). He was very sick and not taking his meds for quite a few months.

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for most of my life, and was in a honeymoon period with Abilify for the depression. I was just more optimistic. Now that I will never see one of the dearest people in the world to me ever again, and now that I have to hear my mother wailing and see my father crying uncontrollably, I can't imagine ever being motivated enough to do the things that make me feel good again. I am so very tired and angry and profoundly sad. This is the second person I have lost in just a little over a year...

And having seen what this has done to my Mom and Dad, I realize that no matter how worthless I may feel, I can never attempt suicide again -- as long as there are people alive who love me. This makes me feel panicky rather than relieved in some way. (just an aside)

If anyone has any words of wisdom, please share them with me so that I might find some help in daring to get out of the house and daring to make an attempt at volunteering and doing other things that will get me consistently among people, where I feel a little stronger -- if only because sometimes I feel the need to "Smile though (my) Heart is Aching". Perhaps that is why I am reaching out here. I need help remembering that this sadness is normal and need not be a prelude to another episode of depression.

Thanks...

Diane


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poster:stewie thread:1014098
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20120217/msgs/1014098.html