Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2011, at 1:20:14
In reply to Should I have a baby?, posted by PhoenixGirl on October 1, 2011, at 19:00:41
Once you're a mother, your wishes and desires come second to the welfare of the child. I remember thinking, as part of my postpartum depression, that I really didn't matter anymore. The baby mattered. But for all the distortions brought on by depression, there was a core of truth in that.
The decision whether to have a baby or not is the first decision of a mother. Do you have the emotional and financial resources to care for a baby? Do you have a strong relationship with a partner who is committed and wants to have a child, and one who you want to be the father of your children? If not, do you have a support system (such as family) to make up for that lack? Because no two ways about it. Having a child is not the fantasy we dream about. It isn't having a little creature who will love us forever. It's hard and demanding and draining. And your child will not always be loving towards you. Not even when very young. My son was the most wonderful child in the world, but I couldn't have managed without a very supportive husband. I'm not stable enough under stress.
As the first act of a mother, do you think you can act on behalf of your child's welfare and not your desires? Are you able to give the child what children need?
poster:Dinah
thread:998485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110823/msgs/998533.html