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Re: When he's good he's very very good. Solstice

Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2011, at 16:54:15

In reply to Re: When he's good he's very very good. Dinah, posted by Solstice on September 17, 2011, at 16:04:56

>> You don't include yourself in the 'credits,' but I really do think that although he and years of therapy cannot be discounted.. it says more about *you* than anything else:
1. You had to overcome a significant obstacle - whatever it's been - that prevented you in the past from not allowing bad behavior to continue.
2. You had to actively confront it - to put your foot down - and say (in effect) "I deserve better than you are delivering!"
3. His response (working at changing his behavior) decisively says (in effect): "Dinah - you DO deserve better than I've been delivering... and you are worth the effort for me to look at my failure and work to make changes in myself."
4. Your willingness to forgive him.. to give him another chance.. says more about who you are than anything else. He didn't *deserve* another chance. It's not like this is the first, second, or even third time that it's been an issue. But this time you stomped your foot loud enough to get his attention (and you shouldn't have had to do that).. and as for your willingness to stay in the relationship, hold your trust in reserve, and work through it with him.. all I can say is that he should feel humbled, and privileged, even honored, every time you walk in the room. <<

I think we're both really good at commitment, and that the best part of our therapy together has always been based on that quality. I have a tendency to cling to the familiar, and to fear letting go of anything, so I'm not sure I deserve any credit for it. But perhaps I will accept credit for forgiving, if not entirely forgetting.

And your therapist is correct. Forgetting would be stupid on my part. I can trust my therapist to act as my therapist generally does. It would be foolish to trust him to do more than that.

Appropriate trust is much safer than blanket trust.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:996790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110823/msgs/997309.html