Posted by widget on August 14, 2010, at 3:03:15
In reply to Re: T's + daughters + weddings..., posted by emmanuel98 on August 13, 2010, at 21:53:50
Yes, that is it exactly. I have spent much, too much time, trying to prove to him and me that he is wrong. That day, I thought he was right. As I was angry at being abandoned by him for his "real" family, especially as I was having a very painful PTSD experience (never had before) and feeling extremely vulnerable and unsafe and he was treating me, in my perception, as a "problem" he had to fix quick so he could go on vacation, I got fed up and gave up any illusions about him. He kept telling me I was "safe" and I was not feeling safe at all. He said if I could just feel safe enough in his office the bad feelings would just go away. If only I could feel safe enough and I couldn't. He seemed annoyed and kept pushing me to feel "safe". But, doesn't he know you just can't make happen especially when in a crisis you have never experienced before. That is worst I have ever felt. And, no one understood. So, I had to face that I was truly alone. All I had was myself. So, I decided to survive and just take care of me. He obviously has his own life. I cannot look to him for the "help" I thought was there. It's his job. He will never love me. So, on I go. I'll use him for what he can give me and turn my back on what I thought was there. I feel it as getting tough...in a sort of good way. Not relying so much on his perception of me. I will rely on my perceptions of me. He may have an opinion but he no longer has the old power. It is a loss but I didn't cause it. I am simply dealing with what is. So, he can keep his stingy love and give it to others. I will have to be the one to love me. Yes, I am still angry. I see him differently and that's good and bad. Widget
poster:widget
thread:958362
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/958541.html