Posted by Verloren on July 2, 2010, at 5:41:19
In reply to Re: 'You're Harmful!', posted by emilyp on July 1, 2010, at 23:44:39
Hi Emily
I don't know if she took it that I was being hard on her. I didn't intend it that way. The words just came out as a reaction to the moment I was in with her. And as I thought more about my saying it I realized I was hurt from her having to feel she should remind me about the boundaries.
To your point, I never deny having transference for her. I wish she were my mom. I wish I could have a normal childhood that I didn't. I love her in a way I suppose a child would love her mom. I had transference for her when I saw her once a week. And sadly, as I said, "I am constantly mentally reminding myself about our boundaries. Every time I think about her and what she can and definitely can't be for me, I am intensely reminded about our boundaries. And that alone hurts. I know what can and can't be. I don't like to have it thrown at me for things I suggest."
I know she cares about me. Although that has been hard for me to accept many times. And I know she needs to be careful for my sake. Having experienced transference before with my Evil ex-t gives me the advantage of not wanting to get lost down that rabbit hole again. But it's like my food allergy analogy; I know there are boundary pushers in reparenting but overall I need a safe place to have those activites.
Besides, I didn't call it reparenting on my own. That's what the activity is called from the therapist that designed it. From the website on reparenting that I got it from. I didn't make it up so the phrase is not something that should be new or alarming to her.
If she thinks I'm trying to push boundaries, (which I would argue that I'm not) then we should talk about that as a topic of discussion. I really don't feel like I need to be warned from her whenever I bring in suggestions for effective therapeutic activities just because she's afraid of what Might happen.
My last t wanted to help me but only on terms that were comfortable with her. And that meant I had to go to an IOP and work with a horrible pdoc in order to make that T comfortable. And she still terminated me because she wasn't "comfortable" enough.
I will not do such things again. Ada has always said that she puts herself in the place where the client is. Not the other way around.
After years of making an authority figure (mom) comfortable with me, being a good little girl who obeyed all the rules, who never pushed back, who put myself in her shoes, and put myself on Her level, I'm done with such things. If any t doesn't want to work with me on My comfort level then they do not need my money or my business. Ada or not.
-v
poster:Verloren
thread:952821
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100529/msgs/952934.html