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Re: I still love my therapist

Posted by widget on June 28, 2010, at 3:12:37

In reply to Re: I still love my therapist widget, posted by violette on June 26, 2010, at 1:44:52

Hi, violette, thanks for your wisdom. It sounds, truly, like something he would tell me. I understand your feelings and thoughts about telling me I was his favortie patient.

You see, before he left on a long vacation, he seemed almost brutal about telling me he did not have the "same" feelings for me as I for him. And, then, he was gone for what seemed like forever. I was really sad to the point of depression (which equalled a deeper depression). I was not sleeping well, not wanting to eat, etc.

When he returned, I was a mess. He was incredibly "there" for me in my sadness and wanted to deal with it. It wasn't what he said but how he said it that helped incredibly.

Basically, I think he was trying to "give" me tha most he could since he couldn't reciprocate my exact feelings. He asked me what I liked in him. I said his honesty, his kindness, his acceptance, his unconditional caring for me no matter what, his belief in me, etc. He said those were the same things he liked in me and that "like attracts like".

I think he was trying to tell me he understood where I was coming from but reiterated that he had always been clear that he had his professional and personal boundaries.

But, yeah, it probably did make him even nore desirable to me. We are a lot alike, even in background.

I feel he is trying to honor MY feelings for him and not tell me, as he has, that I cannot possibly "love" him for the reasons you stated. (He stated them previously). I then felt I could not trust my feeling as they were so very strong and I was drawn to him. It is what it is! I am beginning to realize he will never be mine. I have been struggling with this for 5 years at least and have come someway to get to this point.

I truly enjoy his company. Being his favorite patient also is in the context of the type of practice he has. He has many people who are court ordered to see him and some with little committment to therapy. I am a psychologist by training, understand the process, (according to him) really work hard to change, etc. In that way, I can see he appreciates me as that kind of patient.

He is a real stickler for following the psychiatric rules of therapist/patient boundaries and I am 100% sure he would never cross those lines. So, I struggle. But, may I ask you if it isn't possible to love two people (my husband and my therapist)? I realize its not something that supposedly "works" in reality but aren't feeling what they are?

Again, thanks for the insights. I am beginning to feel I am as good as he sees me! Widget




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