Posted by floatingbridge on April 25, 2010, at 0:58:58
In reply to caught up over issue of diagnosis, posted by deerock on April 21, 2010, at 10:01:39
> And I said that my concern was that she was telling me that I am experiencing and feeling things she has never ever felt. And she said well what if that is true. And I started to cry and said then that means that I feel like an alien. And the session started to wind down and she said this is it right here, stick with the feeling of feeling like an alien and lets talk more next time.
Hi Deerock, maybe this has been said already, so forgive me for diving in before reading the thread--to me, this sounds like productive therapy. I've never used the word 'alien'. I'm trying to think of what word I use--'outsider', 'toxic' to others, 'made wrong' (as in created fundamentally and irredeemably flawed, like I was missing some important organ that everyone else in the entire world has).
She isn't saying she doesn't know. If she's worth her salt, and let's hope she is, she knows what those terms really mean and isn't afraid of them--isn't spooked by them. She can maybe handle them in herself and you. Now, admitting that one feels like an alien seems to be an act of courage and of trust. I know that trust ain't easy, nor is it continuos. My ability to trust is quite intermittent.
> The whole thing makes me feel really uneasy. Like she sees me as a sick person or a hurt person. Like she acknowledges that I am feeling things she has never felt. That she is well and I am not.
It's alright to be hurt, esp if with somebody safe. You can heal.
>There is nothing wrong with you at all. You have your tendency and everyone else has theirs.
Yes, true, but how helpful is it if that is all I would hear from my therapist? I need mine to push me a bit into some uncomfortable places--gently, of course.
For a long time I--I am using an I statement here--worried that I 'had' BPD. Finally my doc convinced me that that label was less important with my obsession with it and that was what needed some attention. He's the first therapist that helped me gain any traction in therapy--and trust. After almost two years I can say I trust him pretty much ;) This has really helped provide a model or re-parenting of a healthier relationship.
poster:floatingbridge
thread:944317
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100405/msgs/944989.html