Posted by workinprogress on March 26, 2010, at 1:30:58
My therapist doesn't "label" and doesn't really "diagnose", but I've looked up a couple of things I've struggled with on the internet and borderline personality disorder kept popping up. Fear of abandonment and black and white thinking are the big struggles, but emptiness and problems with self-esteem are there too. So, lots of the traits fit. I didn't know much about it, but I didn't think I wanted the label. I don't have intense rage/anger... figured that I was just worrying about it and my therapist would say it wasn't true. Well, it's been bugging me, so I finally brought it up. Instead of saying what I thought was more than likely what she'd say, she said the thing I'd feared (but thought was less likely)... that yes, you fit on the borderline spectrum. Yes, borderlines are challenging, but do I appear burnt out?
She also said that all people could find themselves in the personality disorders. Is that really true though? Why do they exist if that's the case? Why do I care? Intellectually, nothing has changed... I still have the same struggles and the same work to do. I'm still the same, she's still the same, but something is poking at me. I'm "disordered". Somethings "wrong with me".
At best I can see it as validation that yeah, there's a reason I'm in therapy and it's valid that I don't feel done and valid that I feel like I need to see her more than once a week. But, that validation doesn't work if all people have personality disorders. That probably doesn't make any sense... but anyway.
Anybody have any thoughts or answers? I don't really have a handle on what I'm feeling, but I know I'm struggling with this. I know it doesn't make any difference, but it does... you know?
poster:workinprogress
thread:940929
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100303/msgs/940929.html