Posted by antigua3 on February 23, 2010, at 7:51:11
In reply to Re: I'm not sure what I'm doing, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2010, at 1:05:55
Thanks Daisy.
Yes, I do hate him and maybe I'm supposed to, but I don't think that this is the way to learn to handle it on my own. I did ask him for referral and you know what he said? "We'll talk about that next time." The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me--here he was, telling me, that I had to wait at least five weeks for the referral.
I think he's an egotistical, greedy, selfish, driven, etc. man whose priority is himself, not his patients. I'm not saying that right, but to me our relationship has always been more about him. A lot of this is projection, I know that, and how I handle this is important. Sometimes I feel desperate like the young girl who was abandoned and I may cry, but then I try to put him out of my mind, which isn't resolving anything.
There is a problem here, though. He makes my father look better to me so something is really twisted. Maybe my T can help, but it's going to be hard to get to her. She hasn't called back yet, which means she's probably away, etc., etc., so it takes a whole lot of effort to reestablish that connection w/o feeling abandoned by her either. But with her, I understand. She's human; it's natural, but it isn't with him, although rationally, this is about me having to reschedule a bunch of appts and him not having time to see me otherwise.
But ratonality doesn't rule the day, here, and he has forgotten that, never knew that, and more importantly to my sad mind, he doesn't care enough. That is my constant refrain.
I can't wait for next time. His never-ending comment has always been, "Have I ever done anything to make you think I would abandon you?" I can scream YES this time, but it won't make a difference. He will discuss it very rationally and ask me to try and take the emotion out of it and see it for what it is.
Oh, to extract myself. Whoever said maybe he isn't the one to help me with the father issues (and why I saw him and agreed to therapy w/him when HE suggested it). Maybe I just can't separate out the psychiatrist from the father, and maybe his value is done. Also, my T is great, but she can't fix this. I have to fix this, but I guess I have to recognize that it's OK that I can't do this alone.
I'm tired; very, very tired.
thanks everyone,
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:937590
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/937736.html