Posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27
i went to a friends birthday. she is lovely... but not many people would go... and so i went. to drinks and then to dinner afterwards. and then a few of us went to drinks after that... and then i lost people along the way (because my department is fairly social and it is hard to do anything without running into them) and then i met some other people at the bar (after introducing myself) and then i went off home and this other bar looked interesting (undergrad hangout if ever there was one( and then i met this guy there with dancing... and then they closed... and then we went to this other bar (if ever there was this other undergrad bar) and then...
he wanted to f*ck me. and i was like 'no - but if you want to be friends then that is cool - that is what i'm up for' and he seemed to be alright with that. but then it turned out that... he wasn't. and that... was kind of weird for me. i told him that i was like 30 and i'd 'been there done that' and i wasn't really up for that any more - it really wasn't my scene. but that if he had trouble getting home then i had a place on the floor but not really any spare pillows or blankets. and he seemed fine (and i was really prepared to at least top and tail) but when crunch obviously came to crunch - he was not fine.
and i ended up saying 'I know you told me you were 20 but really you are acting like you are 14'.
i mean... i'm used to guys wanting to get into your pants... but i'm also used to guys... basically sucking that up... and acting like friends... and... eventually meeting someone who they are happy with. and then accepting me as a friend if not before... but this guy... i'd been telling him all night, but he really didn't seem to understand or get that until i was insistant on the floor without a pillow situation (which i would have reneged on if he had been okay).
i don't get that. i mean... what is up with that??? he was like 'i can't be your friend because i really want to f*ck you'. and i was like 'well, that might be it, but i know a number of guys who have felt the same way and then changed their minds over time or else have met someone else who things have worked out while I have known them'. and most of them... are fine with that. but this guy was not.
what is up with that? i mean... i really am not that amazing. i feel ashamed... i mean... it sounds like a 'pathetic' thing to be worrying about. a 'perfect person' kind of a problem... only... i don't get what is so bad with that... wanting to just be friends. i mean... i don't wear 'sexy' clothes or anything... i really don't 'flaunt' in a sexy way or anything... what is up with that? i mean maybe 20 is the new 14 or something.... or i don't know... is it so very bad for me to hang out with undergrads given that i feel this way and i'm hanging out at bars where it is common knowledge that the majority of girlls who are dancing like me are just looking for a f*ck (or something - drinking age 18)... i don't know... what is up with that??? i don't know. 6am and i feel... not happy... something... maybe.... i really am too old for this... gym tomorrow... wish me luck...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:915733
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/915733.html