Posted by Nadezda on June 23, 2009, at 11:21:10
In reply to Re: New Group - Old Fears » Daisym, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2009, at 7:01:22
Hi, Daisy.
You know-- it's just plain old hard to start a new group. And that in itself could be causing you to act somewhat differently from usual-- not to mention kicking up anxieties.
And also-- in my experience, I tend to see myself as a freak, or different (and not in a good way) in general-- and it's magnified in my mind when I meet new people-- but the thing I try (not terribly successfully) to remember is that everyone feels that way. Even if to you "they" have more in common and you're the odd man out-- I'd be quite surprised if many of them don't feel that way, too-- and that each has noticed the ways in which s/he is "different" and doesn't fit in. Particularly if that's part of their self-image-- it's bound to be intensified in a new situation with new people--or, to be honest, with 'old" people when new things arise.
It takes time-- and may be a difficult or rocky process. I know you've felt uncomfortable in the past-- and have felt as if you've failed to become comfortable in other groups. But it does take time-- and getting to know people on a deeper level. It's only then that you find the connections, and recognize the similar -- and different struggles-- that others also have. It can happen, though-- if you can tolerate the anxiety. (Not that I always can-- I've become persona non grata in a group, and I look back and see how I let my pessimism and anxieties about being accepted and respected and cared about get in the way of my feeling any of those things.)
I know it's very very tough-- much harder-- when you've experienced sa. Everything can be so much more intense and painful-- and deeply dislocating to one's sense of self and other-- but I admire your taking the risk again. I really hope it can work out for you-- because maybe finding commonalities could really comfort and strengthen you-- and help you to know more deeply that you aren't so alone, despite what you've gone through-- and despite the differences---
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:902702
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902742.html