Posted by B2chica on March 18, 2009, at 14:28:00
In reply to Dissociation Frustrations-Long post., posted by Tamara Beezley on March 18, 2009, at 3:37:22
i'm right there with Scott, my anxiety would Definately exacerbate my derealization issues. Especially when things were getting 'rough' in therapy.
and also, you are certainly at the right place regarding you dx. there are several on this board with a DID or DDNOS or DDspectrum dx. myself included.
mine, i consider fairly mild in that i dont really remember it being a 'behavior' until i was around 19 (when i was completely on my own).
and i, similar to you, am totally aware of this 'switch' but become only an observer and have no control over what i say , think or how i react. but i also have a "mediator' presence who when things get violent with my "teen" will literally -shut me down.my biggest issue with this is the MIS diagnosis i was getting before. i had seen three other therapists before it was mentioned to me. the one therapist would even joke saying "i never know who you are going to be when you come in here" i was just scared and confused and needed help, he actually made me feel worse about my behaviors. the second one i never was really outed but a couple times when i got to the floor against a wall and cried like my 'littleone'. but he never said anythign about it.
this time around it was this T who one time when i was telling her how weird it was and that i felt like a fool but i wasn't talking like that on purpose. i was in tears and she told me what she thought i was dealing with. She never used the term DID she said "ego states" and then described my switching and such. it was several months later that we were casually discussing somethig else that she (slipped up) and said something about my "DID"...
but it was such a relief to me because 1)i was being believed AND understood!, 2)i could get help dealing with it and have since gotten it to the point where they mostly ONLY come out during sessions. and 3)no more med issues!
i also have a dx of bipolar disorder and part of these behaviors overlap and sometimes my meds would work and other times (no knowing the DID times) it did not work and i nor my doctors could figure out why. so i was on about 6-7 medications. and STILL having issues.And about your docs comments about your hiding it. well i think that was an inappropriate choice of words for her to say. because with me, my biggest fear was that someone was going to think i was making it all up (mostly because it seemed SO weird to me!) and to have someone say that sounds similar...Also and quite frankly my inners would purposefully not 'out' me. Teen would be Just sarcastic or angry enough or would only come out to my DH or someone who would just write it off as being 'moody'. and littleone tends to want to hide from the world anyway (thats why it was SO often confused with my depression, i always wanted to curl up in a ball)....and still do.
the lucky part is i've only had amnesia accounts a couple times, well when i KNEW i switched and that is in session. my T explained it to me that when we do 'parts' work that my 'parts' can dissociate thus causing my non-memory of the entire session. sometimes not even being sure that i showed up.
but the rest of my amnesia was straight dissociation. i would envelop into this fog (that i now recognize as part of my littleone) but i would 'snap out of it' and it would be minutes or hours later. i noticed this right when everything came down the wire (memories started coming back, depression hit bottom...etc)******************
OK, anyway. i guess i'm saying RANT away. and rant often here!!!
best wishes with your dx.
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:885865
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/885951.html