Posted by wittgensteinz on March 13, 2009, at 19:12:42
In reply to Re: Negative transference ) Fleeting butterfly +, posted by Nadezda on March 13, 2009, at 14:46:10
Thank you Nadezda. Actually, after reading all these replies I began to feel quite angry with my T. I supposed my focus shifted from that of the pdoc back to my T and the unresolved feelings associated with the session some months back and what came after. I sent him a mail yesterday - a rather negative one - he replied, which made me a bit 'softer' on him. We talked about it today - it seems this time it isn't so difficult to discuss it openly and it felt like we've made progress with it. I asked him how that conversation with the pdoc had influenced him. He agreed that at the time it had influenced him but didn't agree with what he had heard and said he felt he had also influenced the pdoc. We talked about his disclosure of that conversation to me and its effects on the feelings I now have about seeing this pdoc. He said that maybe it would have been best that I hadn't known about the conversation but he had agreed to tell me. I feel some closure with it now. I think talking about it will open up some other useful topics. In some ways the dynamic between T and pdoc, to me, reflects the dynamic of my parents. There is definitely projection there on my part, which brings forth a lot of feelings.
He said clearly that he wouldn't be continuing my treatment if he thought himself to be 'heroic' - that he didn't need to be heroic to treat me, so my dignity felt a little restored. The sad thing is that the involvement of this pdoc, however small, has really jeopardised my therapy. I few months back I thought seriously about whether to continue and I spent quite a lot of time upset, wondering what had happened. I was able to go on but this lingered in the background - now it can be we can give it some closure and really move on with safety and trust restored. Or at least that would be nice.
In general I really like my therapist - of course I tend to write when things aren't going well. I don't want to be 'hopeless' or 'borderline' (or a hopeless anything - I don't much like to be labelled as an 'avoidant' either) and I don't want the person treating me to have to be a 'hero' to put up with me (!) - that's all too much for me to bear, what with my rubbish self-esteem - I prefer to think of my relationship with my T as a partnership on a journey, a realistic journey at that - I don't care so much for diagnoses, nor does he, fortunately.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:884840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/885209.html