Posted by lucie lu on March 7, 2009, at 13:39:56
In reply to Re: OMG Meltdown in session » lucie lu, posted by DAisym on March 6, 2009, at 20:33:23
> Is it possible that as you work on these issues with your husband that your therapist is getting some of the anger that still isn't safe to express in couples therapy? And/or, he isn't in the therapy room to keep you safe from all the hurt that comes up in those sessions so you feel abandoned by him? Of course none of this is being done or felt at a conscience level - it just might be really old feelings of no one being there for you. I could be all wet, but it was the first thing I thought of as you put these things together.
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> We've long had a joke around here that Babble is actually therapy for therapy. I've only had one consultation around something that happened in therapy so I don't really know what you are working on. But I think we all have to guard against trying to get someone else to tell us how to manage our feelings for our therapists, without diluting them so that they aren't coming into the session. Trust is a really fragile thing, even after all these years. How do you think he will feel if/when you tell him you are getting consultation? I imagine he'll be sad that the trust has deteriorated that much.
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> I hope you had a good session today.Hi Daisy, welcome back. You've had a pretty rough week yourself.
There seems to be plenty of anger to go around these days. I think that while expressing anger to my DH may be the more cathartic, even trying to take such a risk with my T is probably equally important in its own right. With him, anger and other negative emotions feel so threatening because in my experience, no relationship has been healthy enough to withstand them. I need to unlearn this.
And the business of not telling him about the consultation this time is interesting. The last time I saw the consultant, last fall, I did end up telling my T. It felt like holding back my sins in confession, you know? In other words, I was afraid to not tell him, it was simply not a choice. This time felt different. I felt angry and alienated, for a start. But also this time there was this funny, almost "you're not the boss of me, so there!" rebellious tone to it. It was like a teenager wanting to deal with things her own way, even if it might not be the best by adult standards. I haven't decided if I will tell him or not. I probably will in the end because I know secrets between us are bad. And he may well be sad/angry/disappointed in me but it will be like a parent finding out their child sneaked out after hours. But one thing I will make a concerted effort to resist doing is to try to take care of his feelings for him, even if it is my fault. This is a whole new area for me to be working on and really seems to be opening up new possibilities, as I wrote in the thread below.
BTW... I remember an earlier post from a while ago, Daisy, where you said you felt like a thread-killer because living on the west coast, you are often the last to respond. But I think that you might want to see this in a more positive light, namely that it is a compliment to be considered "the last word" on any topic :)
poster:lucie lu
thread:883952
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884261.html