Posted by DAisym on February 22, 2009, at 11:11:15
In reply to Re: stressed and missing T » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on February 21, 2009, at 19:44:01
Hi Sunny,
Nice to see you and to hear that things have been going so well. Grad school is challenging but I think you are totally right when you talk about having a purpose. It fills us up in an important way.
I just went through something similiar. My therapist went away to help an ill friend, although not nearly as long. I think it set off for me a layered response that took me awhile to figure out. There were multiple factors but while this is hard to admit, I think I was partially upset that he was helping someone else, more or less 24/7, someone he was close to and "really" cared about. I, like you, felt abandoned. And jealous. And I was mortified that I felt this way, especially knowing how worried he was about his friend. I struggled with not wanting to be insensitive and a PITA (pain in the...) but also to be honest. It caused a great deal of shut down and it has taken a long time to work back through it.
What I know about long term therapies, like yours, is that the different things that life throws at us become part of our therapy. This relationship is so complicated and it teaches us to weather storms we can't predict but are inevitable. We would not probably be dealing so deeply with my need to be special and why I don't think I'm worthy of that, if he had not needed to leave to go help his friend. Or at least, we wouldn't be dealing with it at this time.
I love that you left part of yourself in his office while he is gone. I think that is another stage of therapy. We want to take our therapist with us but then, eventually, we want them to keep part of us with them too. It is all very symbolic but I think really important. It solidifies things in some way.
I think one of the ways you can help yourself is to send those emails as a way to keep connected but without expecting a reply on any kind of a time line. I know this is easier said than done. But for me, it helps to sort of get it out on paper and it also means we don't spend so much time just "catching up" when he gets back.
And be super kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for missing him and try not to be disappointed in yourself for all these feelings. It shows how tight your relationship is and as much as it hurts to miss him, in some ways, it is great that you miss him this much.
Take care,
Daisy
poster:DAisym
thread:881558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/881666.html