Posted by sunnydays on February 21, 2009, at 18:10:16
Hi all -
I've been gone for quite a while, so some of you probably don't know me, but I've been reading sporadically. My life suddenly got a lot busier and, actually, a lot more purposeful and happy when I started grad school. I think having more of a purpose in life has definitely helped me.
Right now, though, my T is gone for three weeks. He had to go with a family member who's having a medical procedure out of state (I don't think it's life-threatening or anything). I miss him a lot. I've also been more stressed this week than I have been in a very long time. Much more anxious - similar to when I started therapy in intensity at times. Also, I'm under a lot of pressure with grad school and the profession I am in.
I think that some part of me feels kind of abandoned. I expected to be more fine while he was gone than I am - I didn't expect all of the stress all of a sudden or the intense anxiety. When he told me two weeks ago that he was going to be gone, I burst into tears and cried the rest of the session. He even apologized for not telling me sooner after seeing my reaction (although justified by saying he had weighed it carefully as to how beneficial it would be to tell me earlier, so he really wasn't sorry). We had one more session after that which was really nice. I gave him a present of this little metal turtle good luck charm I had seen and the same part of me that feels abandoned saw and just loved and had to get for him. It's the first present I've given him, and he put it on top of some rocks he has on the side table in the 'therapy area'. It's got a little heart engraved on the underside and that's part of why I loved it. He was so excited when I said I got him something. We talked about it a little, and mostly it was just my wanting to feel connected to him before he left and that it feels nice to have a person to give a gift to. I'm borrowing something from his office to hold onto while he's away.
But I miss him a lot and am very stressed right now. And he said he'd be able to check his email and I sent him two emails so far, but I haven't heard anything. I don't really expect he'll remember/have time to check his email, but it would be nice.