Posted by seldomseen on December 18, 2008, at 7:02:50
In reply to Is therapy just blowing smoke up our a*s?, posted by Looney Tunes on December 17, 2008, at 19:54:03
Lately I have been having a hard time with therapy. And I don't mean to offend anyone with this post...it is a combinations of thoughts outloud and looking for other people's comments.
*** I really doubt that you are going to offend anyone, I certainly have posted almost the same thing and not that long ago either***
I go and see this person 2 times a week that I have EXTREME feelings for and about and it is all fake.
***I'm wondering what you mean by EXTREME. I also don't think they are fake. I bet they are quite real feelings, although the are a response to a contrived situation. But they are nonetheless very real.*****
I mean, is the point of therapy to make the feelings so difficult and painful that it almost makes life worse? Feelings that are in therapy, but are really from the past?
***I don't mean to sound glib, but therapy sucks and these so called "transference" feelings suck even more. But in a situation like therapy, they can and do develop, it is completely natural and for some people normal and healthy. Are they from the past? I think,at least for me, it is combination of the intimacy of therapy and the baggage that we bring from the past struggling against that intimacy. To be totally realistic, things might actually get even worse before they start to improve***
Is it real to be sitting in a room with someone who only sees you 1-2 hours per week and blows smoke up your *ss trying to help improve your self-esteem and supporting you, when you know T also supports everyone else?
***If you think your T is blowing smoke up your *ss, then I would definately let them know. Is the goal to improve your self-esteem, or to create a safe, supportive place where you can talk?***
So for example, T supports you as a person who experienced abuse, but in another hour, they could be supporting an abuser?
***Okay, I think this is a very significant statement. Has your therapist, during the course of your therapy, ever empathized with an abuser in your past, or tried to get you to see that what happened to you was anything other than improper, perhaps illegal, and just downright wrong? During our therapy the allegiance of our therapist lies only with us. IMO they shouldn't attempt to get us to empathize with our abusers. What happens with other patients is not applicable to our therapy.***
What does becoming dependent on someone who is really not available as we wish (parents, spouses, friends) do anything for improvement? I am never going to have a mom, so how does "working through it" fix my heartache? It has not so far.***It won't ever fix your heartache. As much as I wish it could, therapy can not undo our past. I do think talking about it and working through it can help us recognize how that past is affecting our current lives and even our relationship with our therapist. For me, this is taking a lot of time***
While T's are supposedly non-judegemental, truth is everyone has an opinion, so when a T supports something that goes against their beliefs, isn't that lying to us?
***I don't think this is lying to us, I think (1) it's their job to take themselves out of the situation and (2) perhaps it shows respect for us as patients with our own belief systems.***
I am really struggling with these ideas. I don't know if that means I am done with therapy, or just beginning, but anyone have any thoughts?***I don't know if you are done with therapy, my gut says you are just starting. My only advice is to keep talking and talk and talk and talk. To use therapy to get alternative perspectives on what your thinking. To begin to develop the skills to attempt to understand your thoughts and behaviours and get the skills you need to deal with your pain.***
***Above all else, I hear you and have shared many of the same concerns that you have expressed about therapy. The feelings you have are, IMO very valid, as are the concerns.
Peace to you.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:869336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/869379.html