Posted by Dinah on November 17, 2008, at 16:44:41
In reply to Re: The opposite of progress » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on November 17, 2008, at 13:01:01
I probably blow it a bit out of proportion. I always did for B's, and I suppose it's possible that I do now.
Even the bosses who are upset with me are quick to reassure me that I'm a good employee. That there are things that need to change, but I'm a good employee. I talked to the one who's currently most annoyed with me today, and I really feel like he *got* what I was telling him in terms of my strengths and weaknesses and what I was trying to do to correct the weaknesses, and where I thought I needed help to do that.
I guess in explaining it, it really came through how much people pleasing I do. Well, maybe that's not the right word. Anger appeasing may be more correct. Or avoidance of anger. So that those nice people who don't fuss at me end up worse off than those who do fuss. Hardly fair.
It also leaves people with the impression that they need to push me. And I don't think that's quite correct either. Because overall for my job I do worse when I am under pressure. I just may do better at that moment for that person.
Ugh. Lots to think about and to talk about in therapy.
Am I catastrophizing? Is it enough to accept their assurances that they aren't angry with me, when I can tell from their edginess with me that they are angry?
Do I really (gasp!) people please? It's not something I've ever thought about myself. But I do know I avoid anger.
poster:Dinah
thread:863382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863636.html