Posted by antigua3 on November 5, 2008, at 12:45:21
In reply to Re: Eureka! (sorry, long), posted by DAisym on November 3, 2008, at 22:53:12
> This totally makes sense and I'd venture that this idea was flown before but you weren't ready to hear it. Sometimes these kinds of "aha" moments are actually ones that have come over and over again but you needed to be in a place to let it in. I'm glad you got there, I'm just sorry it was so much work and so hard on you.
>>You were absolutely right. I wasn't ready to hear it before. That's what my pdoc said last night, and my T confirmed again today.
It is wretched that this had to take so long to resolve, but as my T always says, "you can't rush it."
I never realized before, or maybe it was the "coincidence" that this rupture occurred around the anniversary of my father's death. As if I needed my father's permission to write, which in reality is ridiculous. But we aren't talking reality here anyway.
>Writing is such a personal thing - and I think so much a part of who you are. When it got wrapped up in all this fear and need for approval, it went away - like the wounded child part.
>>Yes, my writing got intertwined w/my negative paternal transference w/my pdoc. It would be nice to say that I wouldn't have stopped writing if this hadn't happened, but since the outcome has wildly exceeded my expectations on my ability to move forward with my writing, I guess I would have to stubbornly say that it was worth it.
I can't overlook the influence my father has (had?) on my self esteem and how this played out through my inability to write.
I really have to think this over.
My pdoc said last night he had never seen me so happy. He's right.
Thanks for all your kind words, Daisy.