Posted by Suedehead on October 7, 2008, at 18:36:36
In reply to Re: Mutual attraction » Suedehead, posted by lucie lu on October 6, 2008, at 22:45:56
> Suede,
>
>The idea of therapy resting on a "fine line" >really just doesn't sound very reassuring to me. >Therapy should rest on a nice, broad, solid >base, not a thin line between workable and >disaster.Yeah, this is a good point. It's funny, though, because we seem to be in constant flux with each other. Sometimes, the sense that we're walking a thin line is very palpable, and other times, it's all but nonexistent. What's sort of odd is that we seem to do the best work with each other when the fact of our mutual attraction is most obvious, but I can see your worry: there is always the chance that the more sexualized the therapy space becomes, the harder it will be for me to be completely candid.
> The asymmetry of the therapeutic relationship is inescapable. If your T is attracted to you, that means a great deal because he assumes such importance in your life. If you are attracted to him, well, not sure how to say this but, attraction could feature similarly in at least some of his other therapeutic relationships. So that same mutual attraction just can't mean the same thing to both of you, which is going to be tougher for you to deal with than him. Much tougher, if you've been reading recently posted threads here on Babble.
Yeah. This does trouble me. I asked him if this sort of thing happens to him often, and he laughed and said, "You know, that's a great question, because there is no way I can answer it. If I say 'no' then I'm being seductive, but if I say 'yes' then it depersonalizes it completely, and I run the risk of hurting you. Suffice it to say that this isn't something that I'm used to feeling. It's significant for me. It's not how therapy usually works. And, to be honest, in other cases of attraction, it's never been so plainly discussed." I'm not really sure what to make of all this.
> In any case, I would STRONGLY urge you to get consultation ASAP, before things go much further. You probably would want to go by yourself to talk about the situation and your feelings to a consulting therapist. But your T should be willing, under the circumstances, to get consultation himself and let you know that he did. If he is a responsible T, he will make sure he gets some supervision of your case - it's in his best interests as well. ALL of the sources that talk about this subject warn that secrecy or unwillingness to talk about the situation to colleagues is a strong signal that something is wrong. He should not be doing anything in your therapy that he is uncomfortable to disclose to his colleagues.
I'm going to ask him on Thursday if he is getting consultation about this. I agree that he probably should be. And I agree that I probably should be, too--but, unfortunately, that doesn't seem financially feasible at the moment.
poster:Suedehead
thread:856082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856274.html