Posted by lucie lu on September 28, 2008, at 0:05:09
In reply to Re: Partners' feelings about your LT therapy? » lucie lu, posted by onceupon on September 22, 2008, at 12:59:38
> My husband hasn't commented directly on the duration of my therapy, but he has wondered aloud many times whether I'll ever be done (as I mentioned above).
I hate hearing that too.
> My husband has not met my current therapist, but had met one of my previous therapists. I hated the experience and felt like I was being ganged up on by both of them. But then again, I was terribly depressed at the time and not thinking too clearly.
We went for a while to a counselor and there were times I felt ganged up on from the two of them. But therapy would be worse. Can't help but feel that three's a crowd with psychodynamic-type therapy, since it depends so much on the relationship with the T.
> I think therapy has influenced my relationship positively and negatively (from my husband's standpoint). I'm much less depressed (good), but much more aware of the problems in our relationship (bad). I confide more in my therapist than I do in my husband, but I think that's more because my relationship with my husband has been on the decline for some time.That's the conclusion I've come to also, I'm afraid. And the fact that I confide in my T and not my husband is probably what upsets him the most. I do have intimacy problems (so does he) and it has been very big for me to be able to confide in anyone to the extent I have. I really feel I have to learn these things in a safe relationship (with my T) before I can transfer it to something as complicated as a marriage. In our case, my therapy seems to be driving a wedge between me and my husband, which just makes the problem more acute. A vicious cycle, and one we have to break somehow. Unfortunately, we don't seem to be doing it well on our own, and I can't think of any alternate than to go back to the counselor. More therapy. Doesn't go over big. But if we could get over these problems on our own, why wouldn't we have done so already? We have been married for a long time.
> I'm curious about those who have posted about therapy contributing positively to their physical relationships with their spouses. I know my husband wishes fervently that therapy would "fix" whatever issue it is I have around physical intimacy. Alas, it has not.
Ah yes, well that is really complicated, especially if you have any kind of relevant history. I would imagine that if the presenting problem were intimacy issues and not trauma, then things might improve. But you say that you are now more aware of what isn't working for you in the marriage. I think it would be somewhat unrealistic to expect that your physical relationship would improve under the circumstances. Mine has had its ups and downs. When it's up (no pun intended), it has been very enjoyable. But when it's down, it's almost non-existent. And some of my issues in that area return. There's probably another vicious cycle in there somewhere.
Thanks for your thoughts, onceupon. Sounds like there are some things in common about our situations. I hope we both get some resolution :)
Lucie
> > Since JayJ opened a similar thread, I really wanted to get some feedback on a related issue - how do your partners feel about your long-term therapy? LT therapy can be really hard for partners, especially when the T is the same gender as the partner. Has your partner met your T? What are the issues that have come up between you - jealousy? cost? Has your partner asked you to limit or stop your therapy? How has therapy affected your relationship? This is very difficult and painful problem for me.
>
>
poster:lucie lu
thread:853000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/854547.html