Posted by Nadezda on August 4, 2008, at 23:00:57
In reply to Re: My Therapist is away for four more weeks » Nadezda, posted by raisinb on August 4, 2008, at 16:27:27
Hi, raisinb. Thanks for your thoughts.
I think it really is my responsibility that I'm alone so much. I do avoid things that make me anxious-- and probably overestimate how badly I'll feel, or how uncomfortable I'll seem to people-- and therefore just don't want to take the chance of going places. Even when I decide I'll do things, I change my mind at the last minute-- something comes up, or I don't "feel like"it-- or I suddenly feel like working on something instead.
So I kind of don't feel too good about my not pushing myself to do things I know I should, or should want to-- I mean I would want to, if I weren't scared.
It's a bad tendency, cutting yourself too much slack, and making excuses all the time-- and I've been trying to overcome it, without a lot of success so far. Even my T has gotten extremely impatient with me-- and I know he's right.
Except when it's time to do something-- then somehow I completely forget. So, I think I am beating myself up a bit-- which doesn't necessarily do any good; but then cutting myself more slack doesn't either.
In fact, I've been putting something else off for days, that I really have to do tomorrow-- something really easy and sort of just going somewhere and trying to renew a locker-- and I've built up all sorts of imaginary fears of their saying no--- and having taken all my stuff out-- and how will I get it home-- That's what I tend to do-- So I have to get myself to go tomorrow--- but I also am dreading it at the same time.
It's a vicious cycle. that I need to break out of. But then I don't.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:844113
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844239.html