Posted by rskontos on June 7, 2008, at 21:36:50
In reply to Re: Saw T follow up ddnos blah » muffled, posted by star008 on June 7, 2008, at 16:01:22
star, mine (inners)just recently cancelled an appt with T for him and my H to meet because we were all freaking about it. I tried to tell h im how I felt but I covered it up and then of course someone else came out and took over. It was a bad scene. And T did not think about it because whoever it was used my name and T just thought it was me, but it wasn't. I never remembered making the call. I got angry at him for not knowing it wasn't me but relieved that he and H wasn't meeting. It is funny how they do know better sometimes best how to handle things.
And I have been thinking cause T and I are still not on the best or easiest of terms caused I said some pretty nasty things. Well it wasn't really me, it was mostly angry one. Whatever or whoever she is. And we haven't met since then. t wants to talk about how he can convince me he isn't out to get me.
But for me, to go into the emotional side of my brain, it just isn't comfortable. I am ok in my rational side. I believe my inners or others because I don't thin k they are all kids. they are the ones that take over the emotional side. When I need to be emotional bam I am gone, and they appear.
I believe my parents robbed me of being comfortable with my emotions. I killed them off when I was young and my others took over for me. This is my belief.
My mother was abusive and my father was detached. Still is.
And it started very young. I believe firmly it started as a toddler.
If I have to blend more, I like that term better than integrate, I am not sure I can handle the emotional parts.
I have been reading more and I understand my T better. He is a ddt and he is actually handling things according to the therapies that are recommended. I am just not sure I am there for it.
You know. It is so much easier to isolate and stay in the familiar.
I try but still it is not an easy process and maybe I am not trying hard enough.
For now I think I have shut down to the process. I still don't trust him or me. sigh this is tough.
Maybe I just want to move on and not go deeper, what i have discovered and found out is scary enough.
Too bad we can't have DD thing like AA. So we could have meetings. Probably wouldn't work since we wouldn't trust each other but I understand how it means to have people to understand. I have only one friend that knows. Outside of her an d T only Babble.
It all goes back to what I told T, therapy is lonely business!
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:833334
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/833544.html