Posted by B2chica on April 24, 2008, at 10:26:34
In reply to Re: tired of it...**S. TRIGGER** » Sigismund, posted by B2chica on April 24, 2008, at 7:52:50
in a philisophical conversation to keep my mind questioning.
i started to do really well at work today, mind clear on some tough analysis. and i felt good emailing my boss basically finally being a few steps ahead of him instead of him riding me. but after it was done i felt like i was 'cleaning up', ya know, getting my ducks in a row.i know this is a fight for my mind. logic, illogic, emotion, sometimes i even wonder how much emotion is involved. it's like i starts that way but soon becomes more of a logical argument against the universe about my destiny to die. and my fighting the fates.
my last T and i discussed this alot and i think i miss that. i know i'm drawn to liminal places and that is hard, its not the draw to S. thinking, but its part in keeping me there.*****
for those wondering about my child. when im right next to my IRL little one, right there, caring for her loving her especially for long times like weekends it seems to help. but the MINUTE i'm away, it's like that existence is a ghost for me, like it isn't real and all the other negatives are so much more real they overpower and everything else is distant or nonexistant.
and i don't wish to include her in conversations of this here. but she is infact a constant in my mind.
poster:B2chica
thread:824788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825153.html