Posted by seldomseen on April 5, 2008, at 5:34:02
In reply to How do you get your attachment needs met?, posted by backseatdriver on April 3, 2008, at 18:31:02
>Should we expect therapists to meet attachments needs, or try to?
If our attachment needs weren't met in childhood, will they ever be met?
And, if so, how?>Ultimately, I think attachment is a learned behaviour. While we may be programmed to respond to "soft touch", it is the reinforcement and consistency of that soft touch that allows the attachment to occur, become internalized and generalizable.
Except in the most extreme of cases, I think a therapist can, to some degree, help us to learn to attach by providing a measured amount of reinforcement and consistency in a relationship with another human.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read "it's never too late to have a happy childhood". I think there is some truth to that. However, as an adult, I think our response to nurturing is less automatic and more on the cognitive level. To me, attachment becomes more like a skill than a behaviour (if there is a difference).
Is there ever a true "replacement" for inconsistent reinforcement during childhood? Unfortunately, I think that answer is no, but I do think the skill of attachment can be mastered.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:821406
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/821660.html