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Re: I feel really bad » Deneb

Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2008, at 16:47:56

In reply to I feel really bad, posted by Deneb on March 21, 2008, at 16:27:54

Deneb. I would care very much if you hurt yourself.

And I also care very much that you feel so bad. You don't have to hurt yourself to prove how bad you feel. I hear it.

Your job has been an area where you do really well. It must have been a shock to be told you need improvement. Were they specific enough that you understand what you need to do?

And you were brave enough to reach out in a real life way, and the results weren't what you hoped for. Ouch. :(

I know that you know that doing what you are obsessing about doing hasn't gotten you what you've wanted in the past. And that chances are good that people won't hear the message you're trying to send if you do it now either.

I really admire how self aware you are! It's great that you know what it is you're looking for. Many people go through their whole lives without achieving that.

How about getting those meds where you can't do anything you'll regret later. And talking about how it feels to get a review that isn't as good as you'd been expecting? And about what happened with Tomato guy?

I know. I told my therapist today that the tools available for when I feel really really bad or really really angry seem so small. Like trying to mop up a gushing flood with a handful of towels and a whisk broom. And that it needed something equally big to confront so many many bad feelings.

Like love. Like the fact that I care about him, and don't want to do anything that hurts him. And I care about my son and don't want to do anything to hurt them.

I care about you very much, Deneb. It would hurt me to see you hurt, even by yourself. I'm not sure how big my caring is against the flood of bad feelings. But maybe it can go a little ways? And if you add all the people who care, it will go further? And if you lessen the pressure a bit by talking about all the things that are upsetting you, maybe all those things will add up to deal with the flood of feelings?

Along with trying to avoid triggers, getting rid of any obvious temptations, and calling your pdoc before the weekend to see if she has any medication ideas to keep you well?

 

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