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Re: this is extremely strange raisinb

Posted by Reggie BoStar on March 8, 2008, at 20:55:34

In reply to Re: this is extremely strange Reggie BoStar, posted by raisinb on March 8, 2008, at 8:44:58

Hi raisinb,
Thanks for that update. I'm glad to hear that the therapist knows about the transference. At least you have a strong ally in that battle.

I read your 03/08 post about meeting someone who has that effect on you. Something similar has happened to me from time to time. Most were when I was younger, up until 1983 when I was 32. Then nothing much happened until 2003 when I got sidelined again. Fortunately I didn't have transference issues to deal with at the same time.

But I know what it's like when the situation is impossible for one reason or another. In my case it was always because the feelings were unreciprocated. It was pretty bad.

If I had a solution I'd certainly tell you what worked with me in the hope that it might help you. I don't think anything about my circumstances would be of much use.

However I never had that "strong ally" I mentioned in the first paragraph. These women were anything but therapists, that's for sure.

But someone else knows firsthand what's happening to you, and that someone is also your therapist. In the long run that has to help, even if it means referral to another therapist.

I've been referred before and it's not as bad as you might think. At first I had all the misgivings you do now. Once I settled in with the new therapist most of those feelings evaporated. See, my first therapist had my best wishes in mind even though I was afraid he didn't. I was after all his patient, and it turned out he did what was best for me after all. It wasn't that he was fed up, angry, or anything like that; he just realized that the kind of help I needed was not his forte. It was the second therapist's specialty. The first one made the right call.

After that there were a few more as I moved around for unrelated work reasons. The last one was because I needed someone with more experience as a counselor in combined addition-behavioral health therapy. The first one couldn't help me much in the addiction department so he sent me to someone who could. It's working !!!!

If your therapist tows the line as far as professional ethics are concerned, then any transfer/referral she initiates will be in your best interest. That's the way it's supposed to work. There is the usual separation anxiety (in your case it will be magnified by the transference) and fear of the new circumstances.

Unfortunately for me the only way to fix such phobias is to undergo the processes I fear. I'm glad I did because I no longer take these things personally.

Once again, this is how it all worked for me. Everyone's case is different in the usual ways. From what you've been saying your therapist is a really good one. I'm betting that even if she does make a referral, it'll be a good one and you'll land on your feet. If that happens you may have to hang tough to get through it - but remember, the second therapist will help you with that.

In closing here, I'm wondering about something else I do that helps. I go to any and all free support groups I can find in this area. I have an addiction background so recovery groups are an obvious choice. For the other things there is a great "dual-diagnosis" group that handles the combinations (sometimes they call these meetings "double trouble").

Another one is the free DBSA meeting in a nearby town (that acronym is shorthand for Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, a nationwide outfit) for my particular mis-wiring. The DBSA also holds a spinoff Dual-Diagnosis meeting from time to time.

There are also "Meetup" groups on depression and other issues that hold group sessions once a month, next town over. They are also free and excellent. I found those at, a kind of nationwide directory of special interest and support groups by locality. The groups are run by the individuals who post the info on Meetup, not by any hokey third party or anything.

Anyway those are some of the things I do for therapeutic support in addition to the Psychiatry (as in meds these days) and Psychology help.

Good luck with it,
Reggie BoStar




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